Saturday, May 21, 2005
The Usual Suspects
Warren - a consultant - his is a business world, he is knowledgeable, precise with everything in its place.
His belief, which he holds strongly, is: The more you worked, the harder you worked, the more you took care of people, the better off everyone would be. Doing things, solving all the problems of the ones you loved would be the answer to all the problems and frustrations of life. Better, faster, more efficient was the answer. Or was it? Where did the wall come from? Why did it nor dissolve under the onslaught of his efficiency and abilitiies?
Why wasn't he happy? Why wasn't Sally happy? What is happiness anyway? Who is this Warren anyway?
Time to find out and pick up the pieces?
Time to see a professional who would ask some of the hard questions. Time to do what he had never done before; stop working for others and start taking care of himself. Time to fight off the paralyzing fear that the feelings he has are correct and normal. Time to stop solving the problems of the ones he loves. Time to do the home work assignments that Dr. Joe has prescribed.
Peter - careful, considerate, able to get along with everyone, wants to ensure that everyone is content and happy, tries to help everyone understand. Slowly is faced with the fact that he has a young child with his wife and has no knowledge how to be a father. His experience growing up has left a vacuum in that area. He realizes that now is the time to involve himself in his son's young life.
He quits work to be a stay-at-home dad while his wife continues to work part time. Peter confronts the foreign world of a man doing the day to day activities of raising a young child surrounded by women doing what society sees as the normal activities of young women who have a family and children. No longer the money earner, enduring the comments, questions ans queries of those around him, he comes to understand through his own insight and professional help the knowledge that keeps him going day to day. Returning to work on his own terms, after two years at home, Peter set the standard of his work- how much he will work, 3 days a week, work as a consultant and set the amount of time he takes off to spend travelling with his family, friends and wife. Taking care of himself everyday is priority to him.
Everett - He carries with him the words of his ancestry.
His belief, stronly held also: Nothing will ever last. He will never be successful and he bound to fail. Why should he even try? A soul that is jovial, friendly, energetic, immensely talented and capable.
He is convinced that nothing he did was good enough. His support from his wife and family are unfailing in their consistency. Yet the deeply held belief from his past holds the foundation that he cannot be successful. A work ethic that does not allow him to delegate the work that needs to be done. The world of work that he is immersed in, would collapse should he not tend to it, minute by minute. He has the ability to say yes and mean no, if only to prevent a confrontation that would be disruptive and unnecessary to all those involved.
The love and devotion that he has for his family is immeasurable, his consideration to his wife, to share, experience and participate in his marrieage occupies a large part of his existence.
Jeff - Young dynamic, energetic, a true competitor- in sports, business and marriage.
Driven by a work ethic that forces him to be successful at all he tries. Sailing, running, biking, his business and his personal life -- he has to give it all. Nothing less will do. When it is successful, he cannot understand which part of his life drives him to try harder with a greater degree of focus. Holding very strong beliefs as to the correctness of what the future should be, along when it should be, has driven Jeff to a point of frustration.
Because of Nora, a soft and caring woman, he has glimpsed the other side, but has not come to terms with the fact that he deserves it.
Jeff's children, wife - Victoria- "the theoretical family unit" his current lifestyle holds sway on his ability to come to terms on what decisions he has to make.
The hard decision in which he places himself first still eludes him at the moment, although he speaks of his understanding of what has to be done.
Jim - Desperately struggling not to repeat the lessons that he was taught as he grew up, he repeats them to stay in a comfort zone. Abandonment was what he learned as a child from his dad, a tool Jim uses effectively as he moves through his adult life. Successful in the business world, he has the skill, ability, talent and intelligence to be in demand by the organization that employs him.
He is comfortable in approaching and being intimate with women that seem unattainable to him. Those that are interested in him and offer a future are a threat to him. His discomfort in a secure future causes him great frustration. If he can have them and they want him, he rejects them. Those that reject him and are unattainable; he persues. Insecure in the ability to be by himself and be himself forces Jim to chase an illusion.
Rob - A
He is a true believer in non confrontation. He has a belief that what will be; will be. He has decided for whatever reason that few things are worth fighting for. He has an understanding that people are intelligent enough to know what they want and what is good for them and can make the logically correct decision. He has an unhealthy desire to be liked and respected. Rob struggles to be comfortable with the concept that people find him competent and very successful. He is amazed that people would remember him in a favorable light. He is very thorough in his decision making process. He combines this with the vision that is possible in life. He has mastered the ability to be alone but not lonely.
He has been two fine sons that are emotionally, mentally and physically strong. They have become kind and care men learned from watching and experiencing their father's love and guidance.
He has been through a marriage that came to an agreed upon end many years ago. Since then he has pursued a need that was wrong and unattainable. Through his experiences with many women (one in particular, Danielle) he has arrived at this emotional and spiritual time. His current female interest, Susan, is creating a new type of confusion.
I am Rob.
This is my life as I perceive the world to be.
Hector - He shared his life with the group for a short time at the beginning of this journal while he was unemployed. As a friend of Peter's he always welcome.
Hector became employed which did not allow him the time to participate in the weekly meetings.
After a span of time, Hector felt the need, because of the instability in his family situation to once again attend group. He is a scientist, researcher, a precise and dedicated father.
Unquestionably fair. He is often overwhemed emotionally, by the possible problems and consequences of life which left him unable to move. His analytical side allows him to follow a course of action when he sees the clarity of the outcome. Hector is a devoted father who puts his two sons first in the priority of life. In his belief system, he requires a woman in his life to make his life full and complete.
He is unaware of his need to involve himself (to his downfall) with the same type of woman over and over again.
His belief, which he holds strongly, is: The more you worked, the harder you worked, the more you took care of people, the better off everyone would be. Doing things, solving all the problems of the ones you loved would be the answer to all the problems and frustrations of life. Better, faster, more efficient was the answer. Or was it? Where did the wall come from? Why did it nor dissolve under the onslaught of his efficiency and abilitiies?
Why wasn't he happy? Why wasn't Sally happy? What is happiness anyway? Who is this Warren anyway?
Time to find out and pick up the pieces?
Time to see a professional who would ask some of the hard questions. Time to do what he had never done before; stop working for others and start taking care of himself. Time to fight off the paralyzing fear that the feelings he has are correct and normal. Time to stop solving the problems of the ones he loves. Time to do the home work assignments that Dr. Joe has prescribed.
Peter - careful, considerate, able to get along with everyone, wants to ensure that everyone is content and happy, tries to help everyone understand. Slowly is faced with the fact that he has a young child with his wife and has no knowledge how to be a father. His experience growing up has left a vacuum in that area. He realizes that now is the time to involve himself in his son's young life.
He quits work to be a stay-at-home dad while his wife continues to work part time. Peter confronts the foreign world of a man doing the day to day activities of raising a young child surrounded by women doing what society sees as the normal activities of young women who have a family and children. No longer the money earner, enduring the comments, questions ans queries of those around him, he comes to understand through his own insight and professional help the knowledge that keeps him going day to day. Returning to work on his own terms, after two years at home, Peter set the standard of his work- how much he will work, 3 days a week, work as a consultant and set the amount of time he takes off to spend travelling with his family, friends and wife. Taking care of himself everyday is priority to him.
Everett - He carries with him the words of his ancestry.
His belief, stronly held also: Nothing will ever last. He will never be successful and he bound to fail. Why should he even try? A soul that is jovial, friendly, energetic, immensely talented and capable.
He is convinced that nothing he did was good enough. His support from his wife and family are unfailing in their consistency. Yet the deeply held belief from his past holds the foundation that he cannot be successful. A work ethic that does not allow him to delegate the work that needs to be done. The world of work that he is immersed in, would collapse should he not tend to it, minute by minute. He has the ability to say yes and mean no, if only to prevent a confrontation that would be disruptive and unnecessary to all those involved.
The love and devotion that he has for his family is immeasurable, his consideration to his wife, to share, experience and participate in his marrieage occupies a large part of his existence.
Jeff - Young dynamic, energetic, a true competitor- in sports, business and marriage.
Driven by a work ethic that forces him to be successful at all he tries. Sailing, running, biking, his business and his personal life -- he has to give it all. Nothing less will do. When it is successful, he cannot understand which part of his life drives him to try harder with a greater degree of focus. Holding very strong beliefs as to the correctness of what the future should be, along when it should be, has driven Jeff to a point of frustration.
Because of Nora, a soft and caring woman, he has glimpsed the other side, but has not come to terms with the fact that he deserves it.
Jeff's children, wife - Victoria- "the theoretical family unit" his current lifestyle holds sway on his ability to come to terms on what decisions he has to make.
The hard decision in which he places himself first still eludes him at the moment, although he speaks of his understanding of what has to be done.
Jim - Desperately struggling not to repeat the lessons that he was taught as he grew up, he repeats them to stay in a comfort zone. Abandonment was what he learned as a child from his dad, a tool Jim uses effectively as he moves through his adult life. Successful in the business world, he has the skill, ability, talent and intelligence to be in demand by the organization that employs him.
He is comfortable in approaching and being intimate with women that seem unattainable to him. Those that are interested in him and offer a future are a threat to him. His discomfort in a secure future causes him great frustration. If he can have them and they want him, he rejects them. Those that reject him and are unattainable; he persues. Insecure in the ability to be by himself and be himself forces Jim to chase an illusion.
Rob - A
He is a true believer in non confrontation. He has a belief that what will be; will be. He has decided for whatever reason that few things are worth fighting for. He has an understanding that people are intelligent enough to know what they want and what is good for them and can make the logically correct decision. He has an unhealthy desire to be liked and respected. Rob struggles to be comfortable with the concept that people find him competent and very successful. He is amazed that people would remember him in a favorable light. He is very thorough in his decision making process. He combines this with the vision that is possible in life. He has mastered the ability to be alone but not lonely.
He has been two fine sons that are emotionally, mentally and physically strong. They have become kind and care men learned from watching and experiencing their father's love and guidance.
He has been through a marriage that came to an agreed upon end many years ago. Since then he has pursued a need that was wrong and unattainable. Through his experiences with many women (one in particular, Danielle) he has arrived at this emotional and spiritual time. His current female interest, Susan, is creating a new type of confusion.
I am Rob.
This is my life as I perceive the world to be.
Hector - He shared his life with the group for a short time at the beginning of this journal while he was unemployed. As a friend of Peter's he always welcome.
Hector became employed which did not allow him the time to participate in the weekly meetings.
After a span of time, Hector felt the need, because of the instability in his family situation to once again attend group. He is a scientist, researcher, a precise and dedicated father.
Unquestionably fair. He is often overwhemed emotionally, by the possible problems and consequences of life which left him unable to move. His analytical side allows him to follow a course of action when he sees the clarity of the outcome. Hector is a devoted father who puts his two sons first in the priority of life. In his belief system, he requires a woman in his life to make his life full and complete.
He is unaware of his need to involve himself (to his downfall) with the same type of woman over and over again.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The start of a journey
Jeff, Peter, Warren, Everett, Jim, Hector and Rob - the mens' group.
An anomaly in today's society.
Men trying to make sense of the common day occurences that pass before them.
Simple as the concept is, the reality of life has a complexity that has eluded each of us. Occasionally, we each in our own turn glimpse the truth. Fleeting as it is, however faint in our memory it resides, once viewed it stays with us permanently as a physical object. To each of us it is different because we all exist in a different point in life. We regress and advance in our flow toward something.
This is not a complicated journey, for we are men and simplicity is what we all started with at birth. The complexity has been created by each of us to justify our actions, hide the truth and to buy or pass time. As the recognition and acceptance of our reality is something we are reluctant to accept, our actions and decisions are something that we do not easily lay claim too. We continue to do things that we know to be the wrong actions if only to escape the frustration and pain of going somewhere we have never gone before.
We appear once a week, at a coffee shop, same time and same chairs if possible. The gathering occurs to confirm our fragility in participating in day to day life. Occasionally two, more often than not, five and periodically all the group (6) are present for the two hour session. We are not guided by agenda or minutes, only by our emotions. We sit and listen if that is what we need at the moment; we talk if we have a need. Honesty and truth, as we know them, are held in the highest regard. Condemnation, laying of blame and criticism are not a part of the conversation. Questioning for clarification, by the participants, encourages an uncovering of the levels that are used to complicate a reality.
We all come from different walks of life, are of different ages ranging from 45 to 56. In society and the work place, we are all viewed as dynamic, strong, educated and accomplished individuals. Each of us is accomplished in our choosen fields, some in more than one. Some are married, some are divorced, and some are in the process of reassessing their current marital state. Some have achieved a harmony that they would have not thought possible a short time ago. That time period may be one week, one month or years. Time with the group is a relative concept. One step may take six months, each of us have made a quantum leap in a second of revelation.
The ebb and flow of knowledge, acceptance and strength has not prevented us from regressing from time to time. The path is not straight and linear.
An anomaly in today's society.
Men trying to make sense of the common day occurences that pass before them.
Simple as the concept is, the reality of life has a complexity that has eluded each of us. Occasionally, we each in our own turn glimpse the truth. Fleeting as it is, however faint in our memory it resides, once viewed it stays with us permanently as a physical object. To each of us it is different because we all exist in a different point in life. We regress and advance in our flow toward something.
This is not a complicated journey, for we are men and simplicity is what we all started with at birth. The complexity has been created by each of us to justify our actions, hide the truth and to buy or pass time. As the recognition and acceptance of our reality is something we are reluctant to accept, our actions and decisions are something that we do not easily lay claim too. We continue to do things that we know to be the wrong actions if only to escape the frustration and pain of going somewhere we have never gone before.
We appear once a week, at a coffee shop, same time and same chairs if possible. The gathering occurs to confirm our fragility in participating in day to day life. Occasionally two, more often than not, five and periodically all the group (6) are present for the two hour session. We are not guided by agenda or minutes, only by our emotions. We sit and listen if that is what we need at the moment; we talk if we have a need. Honesty and truth, as we know them, are held in the highest regard. Condemnation, laying of blame and criticism are not a part of the conversation. Questioning for clarification, by the participants, encourages an uncovering of the levels that are used to complicate a reality.
We all come from different walks of life, are of different ages ranging from 45 to 56. In society and the work place, we are all viewed as dynamic, strong, educated and accomplished individuals. Each of us is accomplished in our choosen fields, some in more than one. Some are married, some are divorced, and some are in the process of reassessing their current marital state. Some have achieved a harmony that they would have not thought possible a short time ago. That time period may be one week, one month or years. Time with the group is a relative concept. One step may take six months, each of us have made a quantum leap in a second of revelation.
The ebb and flow of knowledge, acceptance and strength has not prevented us from regressing from time to time. The path is not straight and linear.
