A Mens' Group

June 11
The rain has been constant since Thursday.
This is a nice time of the year for the rain to come. The grass and crops will benefit.
The last week has been interesting. Several events occurred that have reinforced a certain amount of paranoia and anger.
My former company manager checked an invoice that I had done for some work that had been assigned to my son’s company. One house was invoiced but not yet done. Tom phoned my Cory to inquire about this and I reacted with a great deal of anger and frustration.
The mood swing that occurred with this event affected my mood during a card game I had with Susan which changed the evening to the extent that she went home early. She will be traveling to see her daughter in Fort St. John for the weekend. We discussed the situation on the phone several times over the next few days. I came to a better understanding of the control issues that I still carry with me.
Concerns I have over the loss of my son’s contract to do the development are perhaps unreasonable. I am tempted to look at the worst thing that can happen. After discussing it with the group I am better able to understand that I am still carrying a great deal of resentment toward the way that my former company treated me. My fears of surviving the future are still with me, it seems more than I would like to admit.
Had a delightful lunch with Shirley, her new job as a writer is reviving the skills she had as a reporter. Her love of writing, hidden by so many years of being a manager is coming to the surface again. Her hours are shorter and her time for herself and her son, Devin, are increased.
Warren and I are still playing squash, I am still losing but the games are getting closer and more complicated. I am still reading the squash book, trying to use the new skills and techniques that I am gleaning from the book.
Jeff still has not come to the group, but Nora and I had coffee. She confirmed that Jeff is concentrating on getting through his divorce and all the legal ramifications that come from these actions.
My son’s, Cory and Dana are fine.
Dana ended the phone call with the response of "I Love You", something he has rarely done in the past. A promotion, a raise and more than enough work has put him in a good frame of mind. His relationship with his girlfriend is continuing nicely.
Susan is back from her visit to her daughter in the North Country, safe and sound.
My job search continues with resumes being sent out to aviation companies, no response yet. Some job will be there when the time is appropriate.
Talked to Susan about the possibility of me requiring anger management if I cannot get a handle on things.
Wednesday, June 21.
The time has gone by quite quickly. It has been almost three months since I stopped working for the company.
The feeling gets better every day.
I spent a great weekend with Susan. Celebrated her birthday on Friday by taking her for a romantic dinner at Fiora's and then to some live theatre at the Jubilee. We spent Saturday together, saw some garage sales, did some work around her yard, then coffee at Chapter's. Sunday was father's day. Cory took Susan and me to a baseball game. We had a good time. I took Cory home and then went over to Louise and Rob's place for Susan's birthday and father's day supper.
The men's group continues to meet, although Jeff is still absent. Hector has not shown up for several days due to his son's soccer games which are on Thursdays. Everett, showing more patience, is communicating much more easily with his wife, Louis. Peter is glad that school is just about over and his wife will be around more.
I am becoming more aware of the anger that seems to well up when I feel that I should be in control of an event and am not..
Such arrogance.
Gillian, my sister, is arriving on Saturday for the reunion. Her boys are coming for the weekend. It does not seem that Dana is able to make the weekend.
Monday, June 26.
Weekend is over.
I spent Saturday on a “CARES” search and rescue exercise. It went well, I went as a spotter. We flew through rain showers, near low clouds and small building clouds. It was good experience for future flying. Susan was tired and spent Friday night at home catching up on some sleep, we were to go out Saturday night but she became ill during the afternoon.
I took in some of the jazz festival in the evening. We had coffee with her in the evening.
Talked to Warren and we are playing squash on Tuesday.
Gillian came into Edmonton Saturday afternoon, had lunch with Cheryl and then traveled to our home town and went to a dance with our brother and sister in law. She is spending time there working on the reunion and coming into the city on Tuesday. We are to have lunch with Mom on Wednesday.
I did some inspections at the work site and then finished reading a book on The “Jon Benet” murder case at Chapters.
I am sending out some resumes tonight.
Wednesday, July 19/00
Time has passed since my last entry. The reunion has come and gone; Gillian has been here and has returned to Toronto.
Time has passed since seeing Susan.
The reunion was a great success; those who came and enjoyed the meeting and greeting were blessed by renewed family friends and memories. Those who did not make an appearance were happy in the thought that it really was not that important of a gathering, each happy and content with the decision that they had made.
Gillian helped guide the weekend along with her energy, desires and vision. A discussion with our brother about his feelings about her did not dampen the enthusiasm she had for the event. Gillian's boys Simon and Jason made an appearance and enjoyed their time here. Cory was able to spend some time with them, get an understanding of another type of life in Toronto, with the possibility of moving there for the job opportunities that are available.
Cheryl was in her glory.
Mother, a little leary of the event soon became quite comfortable with the time and people that were around her. She became quite comfortable with Gillian and her energy. Keeping up with Gillian is still an event but I managed to spend a great deal of time with her, except when she was off to the west coast visiting some childhood friends. Her stories from the event were quite amusing.
Her completion of the reunion by way of photographs and albums will hold the event in a special place in the memory of the people who took part.
Susan was quite busy during the past several weeks, to the extent that I felt quite alone and ignored. She seems to have relegated me to a secondary position in her life. This is a little disconcerting to me. Her feelings have not changed; it was just the time and place that kept us apart. I expect this is justification on my part. I have been able to come to terms with the distance and have been able to not read anything into the situation.
Warren has his relatives in town for a month and is coping by using the situation as a learning experience. The life style that his relatives bring to the visit with their traveling is something that he has not witnessed for a long time. Now that he is back in town he is able to spend some time at work. We continue to play squash; he continues to win, but the games are getting more and more complicated and exhausting. Sally accompanies him to Grant McEwen and spends time working out while we are playing squash. Peter and Everett continue to show up at the weekly meetings when they are in town. Hector makes an appearance when he is able. Peter has made the comment that Hector and his ex wife continue to interact, even tho they have separate homes and theoretically separate lives. They are perhaps a reflection of Warren and Sally.
Jeff is nowhere to be found. He has disappeared totally from view, both from the men's group and from the business connections.
Jim has not made an appearance since spring.
I continue along with my management of my son's business, resumes are sent out for a new career, not flying enough, but the weather has been quite unacceptable for any fun flights. Perhaps in the near future.
My relationship with Susan has cooled off over the recent past only because of the small amount of time that we have spent together. Her decision to cancel some of our times together, to spend time with her girl friends has been a disappointment to me, but not really a threat. I am just unhappy that I am not spending enough time with her, whatever that means.
We are both looking forward to the holiday that we have planned to August to camp in B.C.
I had a call from the manager of Delta Helicopters in response to some inquiries that I sent out. I am to meet with him for further discussions on Monday. I guess that there might be some one out there is interested in me and my abilities.
Sunday, July 23
Just got off the phone with Dana, he seems to be doing well. He had some work and sounds content with what he has done but he made no mention of girl friend. Hopefully they are getting on together.
Susan still has the sinus infection but is confident that it is slowly going away. I was over on Friday for a short time, played cards, tried to watch the movie The Green Mile (tape did not function properly). Saturday evening we played some golf with her brother at the Highlands Golf Course. It was quite hot and muggy. Sunday brought some large storms and hail to the Lloydminster area.
I have the interview with Don of Delta Helicopters tomorrow, a little nervous. I have not been able to get much information on the company even after talking to my friend Bill. They contact number he gave me is not available these last few days. Don't know what I can offer or what they want, but I know that I have much to offer. I am sure that we can have a good working relationship, if not with this company, then with the next one that will be compatible.
The step of faith that is required to ensure the desired success is small in concept but sometimes very large in certainty. I have already successfully accomplished this leap of faith with the movement onto the next experience that will influence my life and those around me. The accomplishment of what is already a part of me, only to be played out by me, continues to allow me to taste the unknown future that is still unthinkable and unimaginable. This is such a gift to be allowed to participate and experience this level of being. There is possibility of failure, with only success to the level that I wish. This is such an experience.
Cheryl is continuing to experience the unknown, but still has not achieved the level of discarding guilt
Wednesday, Aug 16
Back from the holiday with Susan to the west coast of B.C. It was a fabulous week of relaxing, trying out new things (sea kayaking), hiking and just relaxing. We spent the time well and comfortably together. We packed too many things (clothes and utensils) but packed some correct items, barbeque-gas stove. The weather was warm and sunny during the week, with gentle winds and no rain at all. The scenery was breathtaking and inspiring. We travel well together.
Cory took care of everything while I was gone, the new work that came in and the work that is continuing on the Villa. His workplace environment is still bothering him, so I expect that he will be moving to Toronto soon.
Dana has moved out of the house that he was sharing with Linda. He phoned last night, quite unsettled about the whole situation. It will take some time for him to regain his emotional stability, although he is continuing to further his career with the help of Jason, Dana is doing the work necessary to get him into IATSE so that he can do the stunt work that he wants to be involved in.
I missed the men's group last week. Peter should be back from his holidays this coming Thursday. Warren has not called back about the squash game for this Friday.
I will be sending out some more resumes this week to continue my search for a position in the aviation field. If nothing else I can continue marketing Cory's company.
Although I still am confident that the work and changes will occur because I am open to such changes. I will continue to aggressively pursue this new direction in my life. I should talk to Bill about some of his contacts and thoughts on whom I should see and meet.
I hope that Gerald N wants to go flying soon. It would be nice for both of us. I certainly hope that he continues on and becomes a flight instructor to ensure that he gets a job flying the big planes he loves. It is his choice. I wander how much faith he has in what he can really accomplish?
During the past little while I have taken up reading light summer time literature, somewhat different for me but it is a nice way to relax and slow everything down. There are certain advantages to allowing events to take responsibility for themselves.
Shirley is in Britain at the moment with Devin, having a wonderful time exploring the old world. The change and time away will do her good.