Monday, August 22, 2005
A new year that I did not expect
Thursday, Dec 7, the day continues warm around zero with a little snow in the air.
Shirley called to have coffee on Friday. She is quite sad because of her mother passing away last week, I am sure that she is still feeling a little down. I will get together with her as soon as possible.
Susan is feeling up at the moment after several good nights sleep. She is quite stubborn in her decision to quit smoking but is coping well with all the emotional fluctuations. I still feel she gives way too much value to what her sister wants for her.
Had a call for Cory's truck today, Paul came by to have a look and test drive the truck? He seemed to like it but was going on to see another unit that was advertised in the paper. I quoted him a price of $34-35 hundred for the truck, a price that Cory would likely be willing to accept. Paul said he would call back this afternoon or evening. Hopefully he will. It would free up Cory from his debt and give me some cash for the holidays.
The situation certainly is strange; the more I back away from Susan in giving her some space the more she comes toward our relationship. I should be aware of this phenomenon as it happened before with Arlene. If I had kept my distance and not come to close to her in (marriage) and kept her as a dating companion we might still be together with a relationship that would be indescribable. (Not a chance, this is only wishful thinking on my part although I feel that the relationship would certainly have ended differently. I do not regret the way it went because of the growth that I have achieved. In life, I have come to realize there are many different variations of the future which are possible.
Tuesday, Dec. 11. This week has been quite cold - 25 during the day, clear but cold.
While she was at work I babysat Susan's home today while a new carpet was installed in her bedroom. She continues to battle her smoking cravings quite well these days.
I am keeping an arms length from this volatile situation. Friday was a little frustrating with her deciding to go shopping after racquetball instead of coming over to my place. I am not really in the mood for Christmas but I will buy some presents during this coming week. Saturday I dropped over to her place, we went shopping for some cd's, had coffee and then back to her place for a card game and some TV. I am tired of the scattered emotional feelings that she is exhibiting, so I am just not expecting anything and am not disappointed.
Played squash with Warren on Saturday, good games but we are both out of practice. He is catching up on his business commitments, so he is out of town most of the week. We should be able to get a game in next Saturday. I am continuing to volunteer for the Christmas bureau in money collections and some distribution of certificates. There has been only one inquiry on the truck, so I expect that it will not sell before the spring.
I expect my EI is coming to an end in December, a little earlier than I had calculated but this event will not have a great effect on me.
Talked to Ann from BC tonight, she is doing very well as a tenured professor.
I continue to send out resumes for sales jobs that I find interesting. All in all, things are going well.
Gillian called, she is back from Australia. She is very happy, relaxed and is starting to understand the good that a balanced life is giving her.
Cory was asked to fly down to Atlanta and fix a computer problem for his boss. It will give her a greater sense of importance and allow him to use the skills that he possesses more effectively.
Susan is very happy to see Mathew and her family that arrived from Fort St. John. The day has turned warmer after a week of very cold temperatures. We are getting a small amount of snow.
I am continuing to send out resumes for sales jobs that are appearing in the paper. I am all up to date with my Christmas shopping. I concluded the week with lunch with mother. All is well in my universe
Tomorrow I appear in court for Susan go pay for her summons for not carrying insurance papers in her car.
Jan 2/01
Well this is the beginning of a new year. I have not written in this diary for a month, so the following is catch up.
My feelings during December fluctuated only slightly during the days, considering the holidays and such, not a bad movement at all.
Susan continues being successful to the largest part with her smoking cessation. She has not had a puff since she stopped smoking. Her cravings for a cigarette have been manageable and easier as the days have progressed. Christmas brought Holly, Jason and Matthew for the holidays. They will be leaving tomorrow or the next day. The time spent together has been very easy and amicable. Holly has grown into motherhood and adulthood easily. She is relating to Susan as an equal now and being very comfortable with identity.
The holiday visits, dinners and meetings with Susan's family went well and their acceptance of me has given me a warm feeling. Mother and I went for dinner to Terry and Merci's place for early Christmas. Kurt was being his dogmatic self and railing against the laws of the land that he feels unjust, Cheryl was accepting of her young boyfriend’s doings.
TJ has grown into a confident young boy, very relaxed and easy with his sharing.
Jeff showed up for a session at the men's group to show us that he was still alive and concentrating on business. His social and personal life were not discussed other than everyone is well and healthy. He phoned a week later to get my address so he could send me a Christmas card. A little guilt associated with this course he is on, I expect.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve was relaxed and easy between Susan and me. I have a few feelings about going back to her place after our trip to Derek's birthday and his house warming party. I felt that she was not ready to spend the evening so even asking the question was not a valid option. Her concern over my distance was apparent when she insisted that we become closer over the next while. I am sure that distancing myself will cause her to move towards me.
Cory and Dana are doing well. They had Xmas dinner together to celebrate the day. Dana was a little down because of lack of money and some friends that did not live up to his expectations over Christmas. Cory is excited about going down south to work for Greg. Hopefully this will come about quickly and he will start feeling useful. I expect to be in Toronto late Jan. or early Feb. to spend some time with them and Gillian.
Jan 5, Friday,
The week has moved by quickly, with the weather very nice, above zero during the day and continuing to stay pleasant and warm till next week.
Booked my tickets to Toronto, told the boys, they are happy and now my plans are set.
Susan is back at work, tired by the energy that is required to serve all her relatives and children. Holly is back in Fort St. John, and Jason, her husband, is back at work.
I continue in my search for a sales position in the areas other than the aviation industry. I have decided what I will accept in a new career and I am confident in pursuing only these goals. With some of the planning beginning to come together I have a direction again.
Only Warren and Hector were at the group on Thursday, Warren was getting over a head cold but was in a good mood nevertheless. Hector has spent a very enjoyable Christmas and New Years’ with his boys with a minimum of stress from his exwife. We spent the time talking about goal setting for the following year. Warren expressed his concern about being able to set goals for his work and personal life direction, but was unable to visualize what he wanted in a relationship to Sally. He is aware of it and will probably do something now that he has aired it out. I shared the fact that Susan and I were going to follow the suggestions that are laid out in the “Cheryl R. relationship” book on changing over one year.
Monday, Jan. 15
Nothing much has happened.
Monday, Jan 8
I noticed an ad on the Careerclick.com for an assistant for a home builder.
I called up and talked to Chris at Rocksolid Homes. Later that day I dropped by their showhome, talked to John and dropped off a resume. I had been looking for a position with other companies to do this for a short while. I had sent off several other job applications for sale positions at larger commercial companies. I have had no response from them, except a call from a job placement company to put my resume on e-mail. On Tuesday I got a call from Chris offering me the job if I wanted it. I said yes to and went over to discuss the job outline with John on Wednesday. After meeting with John, I accepted the position on a part time basis. The job has a small salary with a bonus if my discussion with a new home buyer is successful. This is a family owned and operated company, 3 brothers with mom and dad in control of overall operation. They have been around since 1982. The company is a mid size builder (40-45 homes) per year.
They stress service and quality compared to large quantity.
I worked Saturday/Sunday with John (sales manager) on Saturday, Gary (construction manager) on Sunday. I got a sense of what to say and how to discuss the ins and outs of home buying and building. These are large dollar items $250,000 on the average. It is a sales position, finding out what the client wants then showing them that this company can fill the need.
Monday, I am here myself with very little traffic. I am catching up on my computer work, writing and reading. At the very least this position will give me some experience in selling homes. It will allow me time to do other things if I wish. I expect this will be a long term position.
Even so, I will continue to contact the aviation companies to explore what possibilities they offer. I felt a little tentative in working again despite the reality that the hours are great and there is no pressure to do anything. Still the old work ethic kicks into gear and the mind gets going.
Susan is still at the tail end of her cold and flu, but she is getting better. We should be able to play Racquetball this week. Warren and I played squash on Friday and will do so again on Tuesday.
Wednesday, Jan 24
I am sitting at the Rocksolid showhome today. Very slow, only two people have come by so I am able to catch up on my paperwork.
Last weekend and Monday were quite busy, with five leads being passed on to John. I hope something comes of them; it would be a pleasant surprise.
Played squash with Warren last night, we had some very good games. Too bad that with the holidays we are going to have our games set back a little. His suggestion that we compete with other players is a good one.
Susan has been a little snappy this last week. Her daughter has been a drag but does seem to have a conscience and will apologize to Susan for acting childlike.
I am ready to go to Toronto next Tuesday, tickets money and affairs in order.
Talked to a couple more aviation companies this week, they are just confirming what I have been told; it is who you know in this industry not what you can do. I will have to start thinking outside of the box to have a career in aviation.
I will talk to John about working at the Ed Flying Club on Fridays. It will allow me to do some flying and have a little more cash flow.
I had lunch with Derek, who confirmed that he is unable to create RRSP accounts for the boys from here. We will have to arrange the pac at their banks.
I missed last week's group meeting so it will be nice to see the men on Thursday. Warren is off to Vancouver for the weekend. We are getting together on Sunday to celebrate his Mother's 84th birthday. She is still active and healthy.
The time has arrived for me to become more intense in finding another career that will compensate me in the $60K range in 2001-2002. It will have to be sales, probably not in the aviation industry as my past experience has shown. Home sales might be the answer but at the moment it seems rather slow paced and uncontrollable.
I will continue to do resumes from job applications in the paper.
I should get together with Susan and/or Warren and brain storm my resume for a different appearance.
I will consider additional training in the computer industry with the help of EI. I will have to drop by their office and see what is available. So much for now, it is almost closing time. I will have to lock up the show home, pick up a coffee and go home for supper.
Monday Jan 29
I am back at my job at the showhome.
The weather continues to be quite pleasant and exceptional for this time of year in Alberta. The temperature continues to range around the zero mark and above during the day with evening lows about 10 below. There is virtually no snow on the ground with none in the forecast.
Ski people around here and in the mountains, along with the snowmobile people are quite frustrated with their inability to enjoy the winter sports. Snow removal crews, private and city owned, have no need to venture forth into the streets. The loss of income for the truckers must be quite substantial, but the city is happy that they are not paying money from their snow removal budgets. In fact today, some city street crews are out filling in the pot holes in the city streets.
I spent an enjoyable weekend with Susan getting to know her again. We had a very good conversation on Saturday night and reacquainted our feelings.
Friday night she spent the evening with her friend Sue, catching up on the events in their respective lives. Sue R is enjoying her training role in Van. Fred is keeping busy at home, inventing contraptions that will make his life better and more efficient. He has not worked for the past month and half but keeps busy helping his neighbors. I feel sad that he has not called me to get together for coffee. Strange, but that is Fred. Cory is working hard and is quite busy. Dana has not worked since November and is quite frustrated but seems to be handling it quite well; I will spend some time with him when I am in Toronto.
My family, including Susan had brunch with my mother for her birthday on Sunday. It was a pleasant lunch, with Merci re-establishing her position in my brother's life. Her energy was handled well with Cheryl making the appropriate comments on the difficulty of being the "perfect person".
Susan and I spent some time on Saturday reading and completing the fourth chapter in the C. R. books that we are endeavoring to complete over the year.
Shirley called to have coffee on Friday. She is quite sad because of her mother passing away last week, I am sure that she is still feeling a little down. I will get together with her as soon as possible.
Susan is feeling up at the moment after several good nights sleep. She is quite stubborn in her decision to quit smoking but is coping well with all the emotional fluctuations. I still feel she gives way too much value to what her sister wants for her.
Had a call for Cory's truck today, Paul came by to have a look and test drive the truck? He seemed to like it but was going on to see another unit that was advertised in the paper. I quoted him a price of $34-35 hundred for the truck, a price that Cory would likely be willing to accept. Paul said he would call back this afternoon or evening. Hopefully he will. It would free up Cory from his debt and give me some cash for the holidays.
The situation certainly is strange; the more I back away from Susan in giving her some space the more she comes toward our relationship. I should be aware of this phenomenon as it happened before with Arlene. If I had kept my distance and not come to close to her in (marriage) and kept her as a dating companion we might still be together with a relationship that would be indescribable. (Not a chance, this is only wishful thinking on my part although I feel that the relationship would certainly have ended differently. I do not regret the way it went because of the growth that I have achieved. In life, I have come to realize there are many different variations of the future which are possible.
Tuesday, Dec. 11. This week has been quite cold - 25 during the day, clear but cold.
While she was at work I babysat Susan's home today while a new carpet was installed in her bedroom. She continues to battle her smoking cravings quite well these days.
I am keeping an arms length from this volatile situation. Friday was a little frustrating with her deciding to go shopping after racquetball instead of coming over to my place. I am not really in the mood for Christmas but I will buy some presents during this coming week. Saturday I dropped over to her place, we went shopping for some cd's, had coffee and then back to her place for a card game and some TV. I am tired of the scattered emotional feelings that she is exhibiting, so I am just not expecting anything and am not disappointed.
Played squash with Warren on Saturday, good games but we are both out of practice. He is catching up on his business commitments, so he is out of town most of the week. We should be able to get a game in next Saturday. I am continuing to volunteer for the Christmas bureau in money collections and some distribution of certificates. There has been only one inquiry on the truck, so I expect that it will not sell before the spring.
I expect my EI is coming to an end in December, a little earlier than I had calculated but this event will not have a great effect on me.
Talked to Ann from BC tonight, she is doing very well as a tenured professor.
I continue to send out resumes for sales jobs that I find interesting. All in all, things are going well.
Gillian called, she is back from Australia. She is very happy, relaxed and is starting to understand the good that a balanced life is giving her.
Cory was asked to fly down to Atlanta and fix a computer problem for his boss. It will give her a greater sense of importance and allow him to use the skills that he possesses more effectively.
Susan is very happy to see Mathew and her family that arrived from Fort St. John. The day has turned warmer after a week of very cold temperatures. We are getting a small amount of snow.
I am continuing to send out resumes for sales jobs that are appearing in the paper. I am all up to date with my Christmas shopping. I concluded the week with lunch with mother. All is well in my universe
Tomorrow I appear in court for Susan go pay for her summons for not carrying insurance papers in her car.
Jan 2/01
Well this is the beginning of a new year. I have not written in this diary for a month, so the following is catch up.
My feelings during December fluctuated only slightly during the days, considering the holidays and such, not a bad movement at all.
Susan continues being successful to the largest part with her smoking cessation. She has not had a puff since she stopped smoking. Her cravings for a cigarette have been manageable and easier as the days have progressed. Christmas brought Holly, Jason and Matthew for the holidays. They will be leaving tomorrow or the next day. The time spent together has been very easy and amicable. Holly has grown into motherhood and adulthood easily. She is relating to Susan as an equal now and being very comfortable with identity.
The holiday visits, dinners and meetings with Susan's family went well and their acceptance of me has given me a warm feeling. Mother and I went for dinner to Terry and Merci's place for early Christmas. Kurt was being his dogmatic self and railing against the laws of the land that he feels unjust, Cheryl was accepting of her young boyfriend’s doings.
TJ has grown into a confident young boy, very relaxed and easy with his sharing.
Jeff showed up for a session at the men's group to show us that he was still alive and concentrating on business. His social and personal life were not discussed other than everyone is well and healthy. He phoned a week later to get my address so he could send me a Christmas card. A little guilt associated with this course he is on, I expect.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve was relaxed and easy between Susan and me. I have a few feelings about going back to her place after our trip to Derek's birthday and his house warming party. I felt that she was not ready to spend the evening so even asking the question was not a valid option. Her concern over my distance was apparent when she insisted that we become closer over the next while. I am sure that distancing myself will cause her to move towards me.
Cory and Dana are doing well. They had Xmas dinner together to celebrate the day. Dana was a little down because of lack of money and some friends that did not live up to his expectations over Christmas. Cory is excited about going down south to work for Greg. Hopefully this will come about quickly and he will start feeling useful. I expect to be in Toronto late Jan. or early Feb. to spend some time with them and Gillian.
Jan 5, Friday,
The week has moved by quickly, with the weather very nice, above zero during the day and continuing to stay pleasant and warm till next week.
Booked my tickets to Toronto, told the boys, they are happy and now my plans are set.
Susan is back at work, tired by the energy that is required to serve all her relatives and children. Holly is back in Fort St. John, and Jason, her husband, is back at work.
I continue in my search for a sales position in the areas other than the aviation industry. I have decided what I will accept in a new career and I am confident in pursuing only these goals. With some of the planning beginning to come together I have a direction again.
Only Warren and Hector were at the group on Thursday, Warren was getting over a head cold but was in a good mood nevertheless. Hector has spent a very enjoyable Christmas and New Years’ with his boys with a minimum of stress from his exwife. We spent the time talking about goal setting for the following year. Warren expressed his concern about being able to set goals for his work and personal life direction, but was unable to visualize what he wanted in a relationship to Sally. He is aware of it and will probably do something now that he has aired it out. I shared the fact that Susan and I were going to follow the suggestions that are laid out in the “Cheryl R. relationship” book on changing over one year.
Monday, Jan. 15
Nothing much has happened.
Monday, Jan 8
I noticed an ad on the Careerclick.com for an assistant for a home builder.
I called up and talked to Chris at Rocksolid Homes. Later that day I dropped by their showhome, talked to John and dropped off a resume. I had been looking for a position with other companies to do this for a short while. I had sent off several other job applications for sale positions at larger commercial companies. I have had no response from them, except a call from a job placement company to put my resume on e-mail. On Tuesday I got a call from Chris offering me the job if I wanted it. I said yes to and went over to discuss the job outline with John on Wednesday. After meeting with John, I accepted the position on a part time basis. The job has a small salary with a bonus if my discussion with a new home buyer is successful. This is a family owned and operated company, 3 brothers with mom and dad in control of overall operation. They have been around since 1982. The company is a mid size builder (40-45 homes) per year.
They stress service and quality compared to large quantity.
I worked Saturday/Sunday with John (sales manager) on Saturday, Gary (construction manager) on Sunday. I got a sense of what to say and how to discuss the ins and outs of home buying and building. These are large dollar items $250,000 on the average. It is a sales position, finding out what the client wants then showing them that this company can fill the need.
Monday, I am here myself with very little traffic. I am catching up on my computer work, writing and reading. At the very least this position will give me some experience in selling homes. It will allow me time to do other things if I wish. I expect this will be a long term position.
Even so, I will continue to contact the aviation companies to explore what possibilities they offer. I felt a little tentative in working again despite the reality that the hours are great and there is no pressure to do anything. Still the old work ethic kicks into gear and the mind gets going.
Susan is still at the tail end of her cold and flu, but she is getting better. We should be able to play Racquetball this week. Warren and I played squash on Friday and will do so again on Tuesday.
Wednesday, Jan 24
I am sitting at the Rocksolid showhome today. Very slow, only two people have come by so I am able to catch up on my paperwork.
Last weekend and Monday were quite busy, with five leads being passed on to John. I hope something comes of them; it would be a pleasant surprise.
Played squash with Warren last night, we had some very good games. Too bad that with the holidays we are going to have our games set back a little. His suggestion that we compete with other players is a good one.
Susan has been a little snappy this last week. Her daughter has been a drag but does seem to have a conscience and will apologize to Susan for acting childlike.
I am ready to go to Toronto next Tuesday, tickets money and affairs in order.
Talked to a couple more aviation companies this week, they are just confirming what I have been told; it is who you know in this industry not what you can do. I will have to start thinking outside of the box to have a career in aviation.
I will talk to John about working at the Ed Flying Club on Fridays. It will allow me to do some flying and have a little more cash flow.
I had lunch with Derek, who confirmed that he is unable to create RRSP accounts for the boys from here. We will have to arrange the pac at their banks.
I missed last week's group meeting so it will be nice to see the men on Thursday. Warren is off to Vancouver for the weekend. We are getting together on Sunday to celebrate his Mother's 84th birthday. She is still active and healthy.
The time has arrived for me to become more intense in finding another career that will compensate me in the $60K range in 2001-2002. It will have to be sales, probably not in the aviation industry as my past experience has shown. Home sales might be the answer but at the moment it seems rather slow paced and uncontrollable.
I will continue to do resumes from job applications in the paper.
I should get together with Susan and/or Warren and brain storm my resume for a different appearance.
I will consider additional training in the computer industry with the help of EI. I will have to drop by their office and see what is available. So much for now, it is almost closing time. I will have to lock up the show home, pick up a coffee and go home for supper.
Monday Jan 29
I am back at my job at the showhome.
The weather continues to be quite pleasant and exceptional for this time of year in Alberta. The temperature continues to range around the zero mark and above during the day with evening lows about 10 below. There is virtually no snow on the ground with none in the forecast.
Ski people around here and in the mountains, along with the snowmobile people are quite frustrated with their inability to enjoy the winter sports. Snow removal crews, private and city owned, have no need to venture forth into the streets. The loss of income for the truckers must be quite substantial, but the city is happy that they are not paying money from their snow removal budgets. In fact today, some city street crews are out filling in the pot holes in the city streets.
I spent an enjoyable weekend with Susan getting to know her again. We had a very good conversation on Saturday night and reacquainted our feelings.
Friday night she spent the evening with her friend Sue, catching up on the events in their respective lives. Sue R is enjoying her training role in Van. Fred is keeping busy at home, inventing contraptions that will make his life better and more efficient. He has not worked for the past month and half but keeps busy helping his neighbors. I feel sad that he has not called me to get together for coffee. Strange, but that is Fred. Cory is working hard and is quite busy. Dana has not worked since November and is quite frustrated but seems to be handling it quite well; I will spend some time with him when I am in Toronto.
My family, including Susan had brunch with my mother for her birthday on Sunday. It was a pleasant lunch, with Merci re-establishing her position in my brother's life. Her energy was handled well with Cheryl making the appropriate comments on the difficulty of being the "perfect person".
Susan and I spent some time on Saturday reading and completing the fourth chapter in the C. R. books that we are endeavoring to complete over the year.
# posted by A Mens' Group @ 3:01 PM 
