Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Restless Suspension
Sunday, May 20, windy, cool, cloudy, the weather continues to be miserable
The time passes slowly.
No real exchange of closeness through thoughts, discussions or meetings with any female. Floating in the ocean of life, not tethered to anything solid. The only thing solid in my life is my faith and belief in my self. It is a chance to be alone with myself. It would be nice to share with someone but not essential at the moment.
I am anticipating a phone call from Susan, the bird lady. It might not happen but it would be nice if it did. It would give my mind a focus away from the other Susan.
I expect, she is still struggling with her decision. I would think that her surgery has been successful and not a concern anymore. Her time and freedom from required work deadlines may be a cause for concern to her. It will be interesting to see if she will have the courage to call. I do not know if this is just a temporary blip in our relationship with her running away from something very stable and reliable or as she states toward a new experience. I should call her next week if she does not call before then. I feel it will not be a show of weakness on my part. I will have to talk with Cheryl about this situation to get her point of view. She suggested that Susan may just be testing me.
Who knows, I certainly do not, I will just do what I feel and think is correct for me under these circumstances. I am actually living a full and meaningful life as it is. I have to be aware of what my insecurities are saying I should be doing and what is normal for me to be doing. Thinking I should be doing something because I believe that other people expect me to do these things to be normal, is a fool's game. Although I never saw myself as normal I have to careful not to feel bad because I am not doing all the things that could be done. Flying, golfing, reading, writing and enjoying myself with movies would seem to be more than most people are doing in their lives. The relaxed state that I am in at the moment in my life is something that most people would give a great deal for. The money situation is great at the moment, although I would like to sell another home, it is not necessary for my self esteem. Even the money is not required at the moment. I am fine without it. The sales will come. The meetings and interest by the potential buyers are increasing. I acknowledge the old fear that I am not doing enough or not being enough will always be with me. I will have to be aware that this will always play a part in my emotional stability and actions.
Derek will have to acknowledge the stresses in his life before he hurts himself. I hope that he has not gotten himself into an untenable situation in his life.
Fred has secluded himself within his belief that the less he shares, the better the situation will be. He is concentrating on the new granddaughter. His belief that his son in law will continue to be problem will probably be true.
Tuesday, May 22. Sunny, no wind +22 a beautiful day after a week of wind and cool temperatures
The days are long and the nights are longer. This disengagement from Susan is a continuing concern to me. I had a discussion with Cheryl this afternoon to gain her insight of what Susan is doing, thinking and feeling. It gave me a better perspective of the situation.
We talked a little of her feelings for Daryl and other men in her life. Her life is so good it is frightening, she said.
Still do not know whether I will call Susan today to chat.
I arranged for a coffee meet with Shirley on Thursday before she goes off to San Francisco to see her sister. Her friend Susan, the bird lady, still has not called.
Cory called last night to discuss his new bike that he is picking up on Wednesday. While biking he managed to strain some muscles in his back last week, had some x-rays taken on Friday. The doctor gave him some instructions on taking care of his back plus some medication for a week or two. He said that he is taking his birthday off to enjoy a good meal and entertainment. I said he was worth it.
Dana should be working and getting back involved with life.
I am looking forward to lunch with Mom on Wednesday.
The weather should bring out the buyers this week. The outside construction workers are really enjoying the great weather. They are getting in as many work days as possible.
My new client should contact John today to finalize the agreement for her new home. Just in time for a pay check for the end of the month. If this happens I will get the car tuned up, new clutch at the end of the month and then take a golfing trip for a couple of days.
Cheryl's suggestion that I make it clear to Susan that I value the relationship we had, is a valuable and real insight into how she may be thinking. I will have to think more about making such a statement, even though it is true. What a complicated life we lead as we get more knowledgeable and have greater insight. Perhaps it is wiser to stay ignorant and uncooperative. It may not be more productive but at least we will have more excuses when it fails. But alas, ideas once understood and realized cannot be forgotten. I will have to come to terms on what will be lost or gained if I call her up to discuss how she is. Will a lesson be learned better in a vacuum then it can be learned in participation with another person?
May 23, Wednesday, +28, sunny and quite warm, a beautiful spring day
Well this is Cory's birthday, 27 years old this morning. He is starting to get old, starting to feel aches and pains from strenuous work. He is going to take the day off he said. I hope that Eleanor, his girlfriend, treats him well today.
Dana should do something with Cory if he is not working on a film set. Perhaps it is better that he be working than spending the time walking about and feeling frustrated.
I had a good lunch with Mother. A bit of a chore considering the mood I am in with all the frustrations I am feeling with Susan.
I have called Susan several times over the last two days but she has not been home or is not answering the phone. I finally left a message stating that I did not think she was still talking to me. She called back to say that she is doing the correct thing. I am not even sure that I know what correct thing she is doing. I will have to ask her if she knows what it is. I am feeling better having heard from her but this still does not address the problem between us. Many thoughts and perceptions are present in my mind at the moment.
I am having coffee with Shirley on Thursday, to catch up on her thoughts. I have no idea how she is handling my request to get her friend Susan to call me. She can get angry, hold a grudge and not show it. I have seen her do it before. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it does not work out at least I will have the war wounds to display.
I did up a quote on a home in a developed area but will not present it until next week when I have the real costs for the removal of the home that is currently on the lot. The couple seems amenable to guaranteeing the price for a December build with a deposit and an agreement. A second couple picked up a quote for a home they want built north of town on an acreage. I had talked to them a month age; they contacted John and insisted that we quote on their home. They have two other quotes that are both less than ours but they are aware of our quality. They also have a budget they want to stick to. I know that budgets sometimes get changed when the real value is perceived. They will get back to us either way on Friday when they have made a decision. They are anxious to get going. This sale would be a pleasant development.
There are many irons in the fire so the agreements should start occurring soon. Then I can pamper my car.
Thursday, May 24. Sunny with some winds, smoke in the air from bush fire up north +24
Shirley and I had a pleasant coffee in the morning. She and Devin are off to San Francisco for the weekend. We discussed several items before I shared with her what had happened between Susan and me. She was sympathetic and apologized for her response when I talked to her on the phone about her friend.
Shirley told me she had passed on my interest to her friend along with my phone number. She responded pleasantly to the news of my interest. She is in the busy “traveling” time of her work. Shirley gave me her home phone number and suggested I give her a phone call. I will do that later on Friday or during the weekend. Managed to contact Susan and arranged a coffee date for later this evening. After talking with Shirley I am in a better and more settled frame of mind. I will be able to spend some time with Susan to express a few thought about what I see happening as well as asking her what her beliefs are at the present time. I am willing to fight for a continued relationship with this woman, to a certain point. I am aware that I may not have fought hard enough for some of my previous relationships. I gave them up to the common wisdom and what “will be will” be attitude. It will be interesting to see how Susan reacts to these statements. I am not sure whether this is all game playing, Should it be game playing all the time? Is it necessary for a relationship to continue to exist? Why is there a continual need to be pushing or pulling the other person to create an atmosphere or a direction that is exciting or alluring instead of “just being” is an interesting question. Creating activity or a positive vision instead of just being; which causes a feeling of not having a fulfilled life may be unfair but may be a requirement for a great relationship. Being fair may not be all it is cracked up to be.
Derek responded to my phone call. He has returned from the south trip, relaxed and happy. We are to get together next week for breakfast or perhaps golf.
The smoke in the air and the stronger winds may prevent me from flying in the morning. If I cannot, I will drive out of town and go golfing in the morning.
In the afternoon I spent a few moments sitting in the new 172 at the flying club and acquainting myself with the airplane. It is not much different than the previous plane but the greater horsepower will require being checked out in it.
Saturday, May 24, sunny with smoke haze in the air from a fire to the north, +24
Well, I had the coffee meeting with Susan Thursday evening. We were both nervous but I was quite aggressive in stating my position that I loved her and I was willing to fight for this relationship. She was quite startled but still unsure. She was not able to explain what she wanted other than something that we did not have. She wants to experience more. I was taken aback when she told me that she had gone out on date with someone else. She said that his attempt to kiss her startled her. It was a quick reminder, to her, that there is something I have that others do not have. I reminded her that she would have to kiss all the toads out there to have chance to fall in love with a prince. She is not willing to do this at the moment. She said that she did not want to date again; just a statement I assume. We discussed the changes that had occurred in our relationship and how it affected both of us. The lack of commitment from her was a little eye opening. I fell back into the habit of appeasing her and not stating my limits to her. I thought she was wiser than that but it seems that is what women or people want. My decision not to move closer to her home had an effect on her. She drifted away because she felt we were not spending enough time together. Her trip up north with her friend, Ann, to see Mathew, her grandson, and the North Country in June will help her come to terms with how I figure in her life.
I still miss her but the feeling is different than the fear I felt before.
She has suggested some alternatives to being apart, like traveling South for an overnight for golf and to sleep together just for the sex; also going to a school reunion for the fun of it as a friend and to sleep together again. I said no to all of these because I feel that she is just testing. I also do not feel like being used. The teasing she did to try to get me to kiss her in public and then turning her head away when I offered in the parking lot proved it. I told her what I would do but would not tell her what she should do. I did not mention Susan, the bird lady, not that there is anything to mention yet. A chat with the bird lady would be a nice diversion.
The mens' group was enjoyable.
Warren shared with us his attempt to be more intimate with Sally and the subsequent heavy emotional pressure that was created because her statements, expectations and conditions. He said that it took a couple of days to come to terms with their discussion.
We played several great games of squash on Saturday.
Susan had expressed the feeling that I was more interested in playing squash with Warren that raquetball with her during the years we were together. This statement was very painful to hear but I later realized this was part of her turning away.
I spent Friday playing a round of golf at Victoria with two senior fellows and younger guy. We had a great time as we walked the 18 holes.
I was able to try out several things and had an enjoyable game. In the evening I treated myself to a base ball game with a beer and a hot dog. There even was time for a nap in the afternoon.
Sunday, May 27, +21, sunny but very windy
My anxiety stemming from Susan's actions are lessening.
I had supper last night, coffee and read the paper outside on a fine May evening.
I left a message for Susan, the bird lady, for her to call today if she wished.
The day started out quite beautifully, sunny and warm. A very strong south east wind came up in the afternoon. At least it will help contain the fire north of the city. This new wind direction will blow the fire back on itself.
Cheryl is having supper because Lesel, her sister, is in town for a short holiday. Her family will be there to help the celebration.
Mother should be in a difficult mood again, now that Cheryl has quit her job, yet again, at the hostel and taken another job.
The traffic at the showhome has been consistent in spite of the wind. I have some good comments from clients but no real interest in building a home.
I sure hope that Susan, the bird lady, calls for a chat and a confirmation that she is interested in further interaction with me. Perhaps she is out of town at the moment?
I will have to look into apartments for rent on the north side before the end of the month so I am able to give notice if the rental prices become unreasonable. July 1 is on a Sunday which would make the Friday move on my day off quite easy. The area that I am in at the moment is starting to acquire too many old cars and trucks.
The music people from downstairs will not improve their attitude, I am quite sure.
Perhaps it is time to move back to the south side.
I will arrange for some service to be done on my car, tune up and a new clutch at the end of the week. The car will be more reliable and it will be possible to go out of town to do some golfing on a Friday.
With Susan traveling up north it will eliminate any possibilities of going together.
The time passes slowly.
No real exchange of closeness through thoughts, discussions or meetings with any female. Floating in the ocean of life, not tethered to anything solid. The only thing solid in my life is my faith and belief in my self. It is a chance to be alone with myself. It would be nice to share with someone but not essential at the moment.
I am anticipating a phone call from Susan, the bird lady. It might not happen but it would be nice if it did. It would give my mind a focus away from the other Susan.
I expect, she is still struggling with her decision. I would think that her surgery has been successful and not a concern anymore. Her time and freedom from required work deadlines may be a cause for concern to her. It will be interesting to see if she will have the courage to call. I do not know if this is just a temporary blip in our relationship with her running away from something very stable and reliable or as she states toward a new experience. I should call her next week if she does not call before then. I feel it will not be a show of weakness on my part. I will have to talk with Cheryl about this situation to get her point of view. She suggested that Susan may just be testing me.
Who knows, I certainly do not, I will just do what I feel and think is correct for me under these circumstances. I am actually living a full and meaningful life as it is. I have to be aware of what my insecurities are saying I should be doing and what is normal for me to be doing. Thinking I should be doing something because I believe that other people expect me to do these things to be normal, is a fool's game. Although I never saw myself as normal I have to careful not to feel bad because I am not doing all the things that could be done. Flying, golfing, reading, writing and enjoying myself with movies would seem to be more than most people are doing in their lives. The relaxed state that I am in at the moment in my life is something that most people would give a great deal for. The money situation is great at the moment, although I would like to sell another home, it is not necessary for my self esteem. Even the money is not required at the moment. I am fine without it. The sales will come. The meetings and interest by the potential buyers are increasing. I acknowledge the old fear that I am not doing enough or not being enough will always be with me. I will have to be aware that this will always play a part in my emotional stability and actions.
Derek will have to acknowledge the stresses in his life before he hurts himself. I hope that he has not gotten himself into an untenable situation in his life.
Fred has secluded himself within his belief that the less he shares, the better the situation will be. He is concentrating on the new granddaughter. His belief that his son in law will continue to be problem will probably be true.
Tuesday, May 22. Sunny, no wind +22 a beautiful day after a week of wind and cool temperatures
The days are long and the nights are longer. This disengagement from Susan is a continuing concern to me. I had a discussion with Cheryl this afternoon to gain her insight of what Susan is doing, thinking and feeling. It gave me a better perspective of the situation.
We talked a little of her feelings for Daryl and other men in her life. Her life is so good it is frightening, she said.
Still do not know whether I will call Susan today to chat.
I arranged for a coffee meet with Shirley on Thursday before she goes off to San Francisco to see her sister. Her friend Susan, the bird lady, still has not called.
Cory called last night to discuss his new bike that he is picking up on Wednesday. While biking he managed to strain some muscles in his back last week, had some x-rays taken on Friday. The doctor gave him some instructions on taking care of his back plus some medication for a week or two. He said that he is taking his birthday off to enjoy a good meal and entertainment. I said he was worth it.
Dana should be working and getting back involved with life.
I am looking forward to lunch with Mom on Wednesday.
The weather should bring out the buyers this week. The outside construction workers are really enjoying the great weather. They are getting in as many work days as possible.
My new client should contact John today to finalize the agreement for her new home. Just in time for a pay check for the end of the month. If this happens I will get the car tuned up, new clutch at the end of the month and then take a golfing trip for a couple of days.
Cheryl's suggestion that I make it clear to Susan that I value the relationship we had, is a valuable and real insight into how she may be thinking. I will have to think more about making such a statement, even though it is true. What a complicated life we lead as we get more knowledgeable and have greater insight. Perhaps it is wiser to stay ignorant and uncooperative. It may not be more productive but at least we will have more excuses when it fails. But alas, ideas once understood and realized cannot be forgotten. I will have to come to terms on what will be lost or gained if I call her up to discuss how she is. Will a lesson be learned better in a vacuum then it can be learned in participation with another person?
May 23, Wednesday, +28, sunny and quite warm, a beautiful spring day
Well this is Cory's birthday, 27 years old this morning. He is starting to get old, starting to feel aches and pains from strenuous work. He is going to take the day off he said. I hope that Eleanor, his girlfriend, treats him well today.
Dana should do something with Cory if he is not working on a film set. Perhaps it is better that he be working than spending the time walking about and feeling frustrated.
I had a good lunch with Mother. A bit of a chore considering the mood I am in with all the frustrations I am feeling with Susan.
I have called Susan several times over the last two days but she has not been home or is not answering the phone. I finally left a message stating that I did not think she was still talking to me. She called back to say that she is doing the correct thing. I am not even sure that I know what correct thing she is doing. I will have to ask her if she knows what it is. I am feeling better having heard from her but this still does not address the problem between us. Many thoughts and perceptions are present in my mind at the moment.
I am having coffee with Shirley on Thursday, to catch up on her thoughts. I have no idea how she is handling my request to get her friend Susan to call me. She can get angry, hold a grudge and not show it. I have seen her do it before. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it does not work out at least I will have the war wounds to display.
I did up a quote on a home in a developed area but will not present it until next week when I have the real costs for the removal of the home that is currently on the lot. The couple seems amenable to guaranteeing the price for a December build with a deposit and an agreement. A second couple picked up a quote for a home they want built north of town on an acreage. I had talked to them a month age; they contacted John and insisted that we quote on their home. They have two other quotes that are both less than ours but they are aware of our quality. They also have a budget they want to stick to. I know that budgets sometimes get changed when the real value is perceived. They will get back to us either way on Friday when they have made a decision. They are anxious to get going. This sale would be a pleasant development.
There are many irons in the fire so the agreements should start occurring soon. Then I can pamper my car.
Thursday, May 24. Sunny with some winds, smoke in the air from bush fire up north +24
Shirley and I had a pleasant coffee in the morning. She and Devin are off to San Francisco for the weekend. We discussed several items before I shared with her what had happened between Susan and me. She was sympathetic and apologized for her response when I talked to her on the phone about her friend.
Shirley told me she had passed on my interest to her friend along with my phone number. She responded pleasantly to the news of my interest. She is in the busy “traveling” time of her work. Shirley gave me her home phone number and suggested I give her a phone call. I will do that later on Friday or during the weekend. Managed to contact Susan and arranged a coffee date for later this evening. After talking with Shirley I am in a better and more settled frame of mind. I will be able to spend some time with Susan to express a few thought about what I see happening as well as asking her what her beliefs are at the present time. I am willing to fight for a continued relationship with this woman, to a certain point. I am aware that I may not have fought hard enough for some of my previous relationships. I gave them up to the common wisdom and what “will be will” be attitude. It will be interesting to see how Susan reacts to these statements. I am not sure whether this is all game playing, Should it be game playing all the time? Is it necessary for a relationship to continue to exist? Why is there a continual need to be pushing or pulling the other person to create an atmosphere or a direction that is exciting or alluring instead of “just being” is an interesting question. Creating activity or a positive vision instead of just being; which causes a feeling of not having a fulfilled life may be unfair but may be a requirement for a great relationship. Being fair may not be all it is cracked up to be.
Derek responded to my phone call. He has returned from the south trip, relaxed and happy. We are to get together next week for breakfast or perhaps golf.
The smoke in the air and the stronger winds may prevent me from flying in the morning. If I cannot, I will drive out of town and go golfing in the morning.
In the afternoon I spent a few moments sitting in the new 172 at the flying club and acquainting myself with the airplane. It is not much different than the previous plane but the greater horsepower will require being checked out in it.
Saturday, May 24, sunny with smoke haze in the air from a fire to the north, +24
Well, I had the coffee meeting with Susan Thursday evening. We were both nervous but I was quite aggressive in stating my position that I loved her and I was willing to fight for this relationship. She was quite startled but still unsure. She was not able to explain what she wanted other than something that we did not have. She wants to experience more. I was taken aback when she told me that she had gone out on date with someone else. She said that his attempt to kiss her startled her. It was a quick reminder, to her, that there is something I have that others do not have. I reminded her that she would have to kiss all the toads out there to have chance to fall in love with a prince. She is not willing to do this at the moment. She said that she did not want to date again; just a statement I assume. We discussed the changes that had occurred in our relationship and how it affected both of us. The lack of commitment from her was a little eye opening. I fell back into the habit of appeasing her and not stating my limits to her. I thought she was wiser than that but it seems that is what women or people want. My decision not to move closer to her home had an effect on her. She drifted away because she felt we were not spending enough time together. Her trip up north with her friend, Ann, to see Mathew, her grandson, and the North Country in June will help her come to terms with how I figure in her life.
I still miss her but the feeling is different than the fear I felt before.
She has suggested some alternatives to being apart, like traveling South for an overnight for golf and to sleep together just for the sex; also going to a school reunion for the fun of it as a friend and to sleep together again. I said no to all of these because I feel that she is just testing. I also do not feel like being used. The teasing she did to try to get me to kiss her in public and then turning her head away when I offered in the parking lot proved it. I told her what I would do but would not tell her what she should do. I did not mention Susan, the bird lady, not that there is anything to mention yet. A chat with the bird lady would be a nice diversion.
The mens' group was enjoyable.
Warren shared with us his attempt to be more intimate with Sally and the subsequent heavy emotional pressure that was created because her statements, expectations and conditions. He said that it took a couple of days to come to terms with their discussion.
We played several great games of squash on Saturday.
Susan had expressed the feeling that I was more interested in playing squash with Warren that raquetball with her during the years we were together. This statement was very painful to hear but I later realized this was part of her turning away.
I spent Friday playing a round of golf at Victoria with two senior fellows and younger guy. We had a great time as we walked the 18 holes.
I was able to try out several things and had an enjoyable game. In the evening I treated myself to a base ball game with a beer and a hot dog. There even was time for a nap in the afternoon.
Sunday, May 27, +21, sunny but very windy
My anxiety stemming from Susan's actions are lessening.
I had supper last night, coffee and read the paper outside on a fine May evening.
I left a message for Susan, the bird lady, for her to call today if she wished.
The day started out quite beautifully, sunny and warm. A very strong south east wind came up in the afternoon. At least it will help contain the fire north of the city. This new wind direction will blow the fire back on itself.
Cheryl is having supper because Lesel, her sister, is in town for a short holiday. Her family will be there to help the celebration.
Mother should be in a difficult mood again, now that Cheryl has quit her job, yet again, at the hostel and taken another job.
The traffic at the showhome has been consistent in spite of the wind. I have some good comments from clients but no real interest in building a home.
I sure hope that Susan, the bird lady, calls for a chat and a confirmation that she is interested in further interaction with me. Perhaps she is out of town at the moment?
I will have to look into apartments for rent on the north side before the end of the month so I am able to give notice if the rental prices become unreasonable. July 1 is on a Sunday which would make the Friday move on my day off quite easy. The area that I am in at the moment is starting to acquire too many old cars and trucks.
The music people from downstairs will not improve their attitude, I am quite sure.
Perhaps it is time to move back to the south side.
I will arrange for some service to be done on my car, tune up and a new clutch at the end of the week. The car will be more reliable and it will be possible to go out of town to do some golfing on a Friday.
With Susan traveling up north it will eliminate any possibilities of going together.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Chasing a Vision
Wed. May 9, Sunny +18 no winds today, but still no rain
Susan is well after the operation. I visited her this afternoon. She is a little unhappy about being drugged but I would assume that it is necessary after the procedure. She said that everything went better than expected. I would expect this to be statement made by the medical staff to quiet the patients' mind. It was nice to talk with her and see that she is well. I left some flowers and a card. Louise had come by earlier in the morning.
I was reminded Susan’s birthday is June 15 not May 15; I always seem to get the dates mixed up.
Mother was in a good mood at lunch so we had a spirited discussion about life. She was on her way to purchase a pair of running shoes.
I am still fighting this cold and should have taken some medication to get rid of these sniffles.
I am looking forward to John and my appointment with this new client on Thursday although I am not getting too anxious about a possible sale.
Mother suggested that Cheryl might like to take up golf. With my schedule I might be able to spend some time with her and golf during the mornings. I have to encourage Cheryl to take some lessons or at the least go down to the driving range for some practice.
Saturday, May 12, Sunny and clear +24, turned windy in the afternoon
The week went by slowly.
I checked out another furniture store to see what they offered.
I visited Susan at the hospital; she was fine and was to be released in the afternoon. No one was around to drive her home, so I helped her with all her flowers and cards, settled her into her home and made sure she was comfortable. Because of the medication Susan is still on, she is quite funny.
John arrived at the show home around 6.30, we chatted till 7.00 when our client arrived for the appointment. We spent an hour going over the home she wanted. We found one that would suit her if we made a few changes. She would be happy with the basement finished, a different color in the family room and more room for her shoes in the master closet. She feels comfortable building on a lot in the west end of the development by the golf course. Her ex husband has some influence with the land developer and might be able to get her a better price on the lot. She will be confirming the lot price, visiting her bank for a small mortgage guarantee on Friday. John will revise the costs and fax over a final "best price" on Friday for her confirmation. She will get back to us over the weekend or at the latest on Monday. She is aware of the time frame, and will let us know quickly so we can get started on this home.
I am trying to remain quiet and calm about this negotiation. It is not necessary, financially, for me to get this sale. It would be nice to be successful in terms of being able to offer her the home and terms that she envisions.
My ego and self, although not tied to this transaction would sustain a boost, considering the turmoil that is happening with Susan because of her to decision to check out a new life style. I will have to be careful to remain consistent in response to her emotional and physiological moods swings as she tries to accomplish what she has started. I will have to look out for myself once again to be able to continue with my life and not create any resentment within myself.
Sheila's birthday /new job party is tonight and I am quite looking forward to the evening. I expect that I am focusing on her as a female and friend to move myself away from the loss of closeness with Susan. I hope that I am not a pest in recreating a friendship with her, though we have been getting together very well over the past year. She has used this friendship to share her fears about the upcoming major change in her life. She is moving to Toronto for her Fellowship in August which would make any relationship between us quite short lived. Perhaps we both need a friendship on a short term basis. The other possibility is we are just needy.
Anyway, I will stay busy with some flying on a regular basis, regardless of the money. Golfing in the early morning will take up some time. I should take a trip south and go golfing on Friday.
Cheryl has settled down a little although her male friend at work continues to provide enough distraction to keep her energy focused.
Lil called to talk about her son’s wedding plans that are progressing nicely. She asked again if I would be coming to the wedding. It is nice to be asked.
Samantha is growing up quickly without any medical concerns. Jonathon is having problems accepting the responsibility of being a father. This is not a surprise, given his immature behavior up to this point. It is sad that his parents denied him the joy of making decisions on his own. That to me, is such a waste.
I was able to work on a business plan for myself.
John faxed the information to our client on Friday but as yet has heard nothing back.
Sunday, May 13, Sunny, some wind +23
Mother's day is quite lovely. Mom is in good spirits with enough people calling her today.
The party at Sheila's was warm and welcoming. Her thoughts and fears that no one would show up to be with her in the evening were unfounded as we all knew. A great crowd of her many faceted friends gathered during the evening to share the special occasion. I reacquainted myself with some people I had not seen for a long time. Most of the people at the party were quite fascinating although I did not have the chance to talk with everyone. With my thoughts to Sheila’s future in the East I was pleasantly surprised to meet and be enchanted by a stunning woman who has been a life long friend of Sheila's.
To my amusement I cannot remember much about her, although we were introduced. Today my thoughts are on her and our discussions during the evening. I have no real knowledge on her status, relationship wise. She made sure that we spent time talking, exchanging stories and thoughts.
No partner or children, an educated (PHD) profession woman working at the University of Alberta in the domain of birds and their environment are a few things I do remember. There is obviously a complicated word describing what she does, she told me what it was, but I have forgotten. A good conversationalist, who listened well, put forward interesting questions and was not put off when I asked about personal questions about her joy of working in her chosen field. I will follow this up sometime later in the week to find out whether she would like to share some time together. Sheila said that her friend is away to the south of the province because of her work. Interesting how these things work out.
I chatted with Peter briefly on the phone about a programming problem.
He said that Hector on his third meeting with the new female in his life, expressed his desire that they become an item. She was quite startled to the point that she told Hector he was really a "nice" fellow but she was not ready for a committed relationship. Peter said that Hector was quite devastated by this announcement. The probability that Hector will be set back emotionally because of this event is very high. If we get together next Thursday I will have to talk to him about his expectations. Does he want a partner to take care of him and his children or does he want someone in his life to share the day to day events? I am quite sure that he is not clear about what he actually desires.
Cheryl and Ken called to arrange a golf time with them east of the city.
Susan called to chat. She is doing well with her recovery and is adjusting to her time off.
I tried to remain quite unemotional and distant. She continues to struggle but is strong in her commitment to focus in on herself.
Monday, May 14, cloudy all day, with hints of a drizzle,+14, it is trying but the possibility of rain is small
The framers are at work next door on the first home I sold. I took some more photos to catalogue the progress.
Spent the morning doing laundry, washed floors and generally cleaned up the apartment. I managed to break the toilet hinge in my vigorous cleaning. I should get the paint and do the bathroom.
Gas is up over 72 cents at most of the stations in town. A few of the outlets are selling at 69 cents. Our client called John today and said she would go ahead with the new home. She has put a lot on hold and will pick up a copy of the agreement this evening. She will meet with John tomorrow if she is ok with the information. Sounds like a go on this sale.
I have set up a flow chart to be able to track the traffic we have at the show home.
I called Sheila last evening to thank her for the party and to gather further information on the bird lady. It turns out her name is Susan. I am turning into another Jim with his Cathy's.
I explained to Sheila that I was interested and would like more information on her situation. She has been divorced for about two years, a 12 year old child that she shares custody with her ex who also works at the U of A. Susan has a PHD in the study of birds and animals as they are related to the environment. Sheila said that Susan threw herself into her work after the marriage of about 16 years came to an end. She is not really looking but would not comment any further.
Sheila is a little hurt and disappointed in my interest in Susan but was resolved to my interest in her friend Susan. Sheila's statement was "do not forget about me" when you are involved with Susan. Sheila will pass on my interest and phone number to Susan and let her contact me if she has an interest. Susan is out of the city till the end of the week.
I have a great many feelings stirring within me. The ones I have for Sheila- we are friends without any possibility of any other type of commitment. We tried it once, it did not work. She is off to Toronto in the fall for a year. I am aware that Susan and she are close friends and there are many dynamics at play.
Getting to know a new person with all the possible outcomes is somewhat intimidating. I enjoyed the time I spent with her it may have been the party atmosphere, the wine or the need to talk to a woman. Perhaps it is just the fact that a female found me interesting. This time of transition for me, with Susan chasing her ghosts is unsettling to say the least.
Dana called last night to check up on me. The industry still has not ramped up so he has had no work. He is doing all the necessary steps to get work in the industry or alternately as a car washer or dish washer. He spent some time Sunday taking photographs with a girlfriend of his. He expressed an interest in the optional camera lens that I had available in my kit bag. I told him that the camera I possessed was a Canon; he had a Nikon so the lens would not be compatible. On second thought I will check out my photo bag. Some of the connections I have are generic and may make the connections to his unit. I will send what I can to him so he can continue playing with his camera. It might lead somewhere.
Warren called and suggested that we play squash in the evening after work. I am not on the cold pills at the moment so it will be interesting to find out how much energy I have in the games.
Susan is well after the operation. I visited her this afternoon. She is a little unhappy about being drugged but I would assume that it is necessary after the procedure. She said that everything went better than expected. I would expect this to be statement made by the medical staff to quiet the patients' mind. It was nice to talk with her and see that she is well. I left some flowers and a card. Louise had come by earlier in the morning.
I was reminded Susan’s birthday is June 15 not May 15; I always seem to get the dates mixed up.
Mother was in a good mood at lunch so we had a spirited discussion about life. She was on her way to purchase a pair of running shoes.
I am still fighting this cold and should have taken some medication to get rid of these sniffles.
I am looking forward to John and my appointment with this new client on Thursday although I am not getting too anxious about a possible sale.
Mother suggested that Cheryl might like to take up golf. With my schedule I might be able to spend some time with her and golf during the mornings. I have to encourage Cheryl to take some lessons or at the least go down to the driving range for some practice.
Saturday, May 12, Sunny and clear +24, turned windy in the afternoon
The week went by slowly.
I checked out another furniture store to see what they offered.
I visited Susan at the hospital; she was fine and was to be released in the afternoon. No one was around to drive her home, so I helped her with all her flowers and cards, settled her into her home and made sure she was comfortable. Because of the medication Susan is still on, she is quite funny.
John arrived at the show home around 6.30, we chatted till 7.00 when our client arrived for the appointment. We spent an hour going over the home she wanted. We found one that would suit her if we made a few changes. She would be happy with the basement finished, a different color in the family room and more room for her shoes in the master closet. She feels comfortable building on a lot in the west end of the development by the golf course. Her ex husband has some influence with the land developer and might be able to get her a better price on the lot. She will be confirming the lot price, visiting her bank for a small mortgage guarantee on Friday. John will revise the costs and fax over a final "best price" on Friday for her confirmation. She will get back to us over the weekend or at the latest on Monday. She is aware of the time frame, and will let us know quickly so we can get started on this home.
I am trying to remain quiet and calm about this negotiation. It is not necessary, financially, for me to get this sale. It would be nice to be successful in terms of being able to offer her the home and terms that she envisions.
My ego and self, although not tied to this transaction would sustain a boost, considering the turmoil that is happening with Susan because of her to decision to check out a new life style. I will have to be careful to remain consistent in response to her emotional and physiological moods swings as she tries to accomplish what she has started. I will have to look out for myself once again to be able to continue with my life and not create any resentment within myself.
Sheila's birthday /new job party is tonight and I am quite looking forward to the evening. I expect that I am focusing on her as a female and friend to move myself away from the loss of closeness with Susan. I hope that I am not a pest in recreating a friendship with her, though we have been getting together very well over the past year. She has used this friendship to share her fears about the upcoming major change in her life. She is moving to Toronto for her Fellowship in August which would make any relationship between us quite short lived. Perhaps we both need a friendship on a short term basis. The other possibility is we are just needy.
Anyway, I will stay busy with some flying on a regular basis, regardless of the money. Golfing in the early morning will take up some time. I should take a trip south and go golfing on Friday.
Cheryl has settled down a little although her male friend at work continues to provide enough distraction to keep her energy focused.
Lil called to talk about her son’s wedding plans that are progressing nicely. She asked again if I would be coming to the wedding. It is nice to be asked.
Samantha is growing up quickly without any medical concerns. Jonathon is having problems accepting the responsibility of being a father. This is not a surprise, given his immature behavior up to this point. It is sad that his parents denied him the joy of making decisions on his own. That to me, is such a waste.
I was able to work on a business plan for myself.
John faxed the information to our client on Friday but as yet has heard nothing back.
Sunday, May 13, Sunny, some wind +23
Mother's day is quite lovely. Mom is in good spirits with enough people calling her today.
The party at Sheila's was warm and welcoming. Her thoughts and fears that no one would show up to be with her in the evening were unfounded as we all knew. A great crowd of her many faceted friends gathered during the evening to share the special occasion. I reacquainted myself with some people I had not seen for a long time. Most of the people at the party were quite fascinating although I did not have the chance to talk with everyone. With my thoughts to Sheila’s future in the East I was pleasantly surprised to meet and be enchanted by a stunning woman who has been a life long friend of Sheila's.
To my amusement I cannot remember much about her, although we were introduced. Today my thoughts are on her and our discussions during the evening. I have no real knowledge on her status, relationship wise. She made sure that we spent time talking, exchanging stories and thoughts.
No partner or children, an educated (PHD) profession woman working at the University of Alberta in the domain of birds and their environment are a few things I do remember. There is obviously a complicated word describing what she does, she told me what it was, but I have forgotten. A good conversationalist, who listened well, put forward interesting questions and was not put off when I asked about personal questions about her joy of working in her chosen field. I will follow this up sometime later in the week to find out whether she would like to share some time together. Sheila said that her friend is away to the south of the province because of her work. Interesting how these things work out.
I chatted with Peter briefly on the phone about a programming problem.
He said that Hector on his third meeting with the new female in his life, expressed his desire that they become an item. She was quite startled to the point that she told Hector he was really a "nice" fellow but she was not ready for a committed relationship. Peter said that Hector was quite devastated by this announcement. The probability that Hector will be set back emotionally because of this event is very high. If we get together next Thursday I will have to talk to him about his expectations. Does he want a partner to take care of him and his children or does he want someone in his life to share the day to day events? I am quite sure that he is not clear about what he actually desires.
Cheryl and Ken called to arrange a golf time with them east of the city.
Susan called to chat. She is doing well with her recovery and is adjusting to her time off.
I tried to remain quite unemotional and distant. She continues to struggle but is strong in her commitment to focus in on herself.
Monday, May 14, cloudy all day, with hints of a drizzle,+14, it is trying but the possibility of rain is small
The framers are at work next door on the first home I sold. I took some more photos to catalogue the progress.
Spent the morning doing laundry, washed floors and generally cleaned up the apartment. I managed to break the toilet hinge in my vigorous cleaning. I should get the paint and do the bathroom.
Gas is up over 72 cents at most of the stations in town. A few of the outlets are selling at 69 cents. Our client called John today and said she would go ahead with the new home. She has put a lot on hold and will pick up a copy of the agreement this evening. She will meet with John tomorrow if she is ok with the information. Sounds like a go on this sale.
I have set up a flow chart to be able to track the traffic we have at the show home.
I called Sheila last evening to thank her for the party and to gather further information on the bird lady. It turns out her name is Susan. I am turning into another Jim with his Cathy's.
I explained to Sheila that I was interested and would like more information on her situation. She has been divorced for about two years, a 12 year old child that she shares custody with her ex who also works at the U of A. Susan has a PHD in the study of birds and animals as they are related to the environment. Sheila said that Susan threw herself into her work after the marriage of about 16 years came to an end. She is not really looking but would not comment any further.
Sheila is a little hurt and disappointed in my interest in Susan but was resolved to my interest in her friend Susan. Sheila's statement was "do not forget about me" when you are involved with Susan. Sheila will pass on my interest and phone number to Susan and let her contact me if she has an interest. Susan is out of the city till the end of the week.
I have a great many feelings stirring within me. The ones I have for Sheila- we are friends without any possibility of any other type of commitment. We tried it once, it did not work. She is off to Toronto in the fall for a year. I am aware that Susan and she are close friends and there are many dynamics at play.
Getting to know a new person with all the possible outcomes is somewhat intimidating. I enjoyed the time I spent with her it may have been the party atmosphere, the wine or the need to talk to a woman. Perhaps it is just the fact that a female found me interesting. This time of transition for me, with Susan chasing her ghosts is unsettling to say the least.
Dana called last night to check up on me. The industry still has not ramped up so he has had no work. He is doing all the necessary steps to get work in the industry or alternately as a car washer or dish washer. He spent some time Sunday taking photographs with a girlfriend of his. He expressed an interest in the optional camera lens that I had available in my kit bag. I told him that the camera I possessed was a Canon; he had a Nikon so the lens would not be compatible. On second thought I will check out my photo bag. Some of the connections I have are generic and may make the connections to his unit. I will send what I can to him so he can continue playing with his camera. It might lead somewhere.
Warren called and suggested that we play squash in the evening after work. I am not on the cold pills at the moment so it will be interesting to find out how much energy I have in the games.
