Monday, August 22, 2005
A new year that I did not expect
Thursday, Dec 7, the day continues warm around zero with a little snow in the air.
Shirley called to have coffee on Friday. She is quite sad because of her mother passing away last week, I am sure that she is still feeling a little down. I will get together with her as soon as possible.
Susan is feeling up at the moment after several good nights sleep. She is quite stubborn in her decision to quit smoking but is coping well with all the emotional fluctuations. I still feel she gives way too much value to what her sister wants for her.
Had a call for Cory's truck today, Paul came by to have a look and test drive the truck? He seemed to like it but was going on to see another unit that was advertised in the paper. I quoted him a price of $34-35 hundred for the truck, a price that Cory would likely be willing to accept. Paul said he would call back this afternoon or evening. Hopefully he will. It would free up Cory from his debt and give me some cash for the holidays.
The situation certainly is strange; the more I back away from Susan in giving her some space the more she comes toward our relationship. I should be aware of this phenomenon as it happened before with Arlene. If I had kept my distance and not come to close to her in (marriage) and kept her as a dating companion we might still be together with a relationship that would be indescribable. (Not a chance, this is only wishful thinking on my part although I feel that the relationship would certainly have ended differently. I do not regret the way it went because of the growth that I have achieved. In life, I have come to realize there are many different variations of the future which are possible.
Tuesday, Dec. 11. This week has been quite cold - 25 during the day, clear but cold.
While she was at work I babysat Susan's home today while a new carpet was installed in her bedroom. She continues to battle her smoking cravings quite well these days.
I am keeping an arms length from this volatile situation. Friday was a little frustrating with her deciding to go shopping after racquetball instead of coming over to my place. I am not really in the mood for Christmas but I will buy some presents during this coming week. Saturday I dropped over to her place, we went shopping for some cd's, had coffee and then back to her place for a card game and some TV. I am tired of the scattered emotional feelings that she is exhibiting, so I am just not expecting anything and am not disappointed.
Played squash with Warren on Saturday, good games but we are both out of practice. He is catching up on his business commitments, so he is out of town most of the week. We should be able to get a game in next Saturday. I am continuing to volunteer for the Christmas bureau in money collections and some distribution of certificates. There has been only one inquiry on the truck, so I expect that it will not sell before the spring.
I expect my EI is coming to an end in December, a little earlier than I had calculated but this event will not have a great effect on me.
Talked to Ann from BC tonight, she is doing very well as a tenured professor.
I continue to send out resumes for sales jobs that I find interesting. All in all, things are going well.
Gillian called, she is back from Australia. She is very happy, relaxed and is starting to understand the good that a balanced life is giving her.
Cory was asked to fly down to Atlanta and fix a computer problem for his boss. It will give her a greater sense of importance and allow him to use the skills that he possesses more effectively.
Susan is very happy to see Mathew and her family that arrived from Fort St. John. The day has turned warmer after a week of very cold temperatures. We are getting a small amount of snow.
I am continuing to send out resumes for sales jobs that are appearing in the paper. I am all up to date with my Christmas shopping. I concluded the week with lunch with mother. All is well in my universe
Tomorrow I appear in court for Susan go pay for her summons for not carrying insurance papers in her car.
Jan 2/01
Well this is the beginning of a new year. I have not written in this diary for a month, so the following is catch up.
My feelings during December fluctuated only slightly during the days, considering the holidays and such, not a bad movement at all.
Susan continues being successful to the largest part with her smoking cessation. She has not had a puff since she stopped smoking. Her cravings for a cigarette have been manageable and easier as the days have progressed. Christmas brought Holly, Jason and Matthew for the holidays. They will be leaving tomorrow or the next day. The time spent together has been very easy and amicable. Holly has grown into motherhood and adulthood easily. She is relating to Susan as an equal now and being very comfortable with identity.
The holiday visits, dinners and meetings with Susan's family went well and their acceptance of me has given me a warm feeling. Mother and I went for dinner to Terry and Merci's place for early Christmas. Kurt was being his dogmatic self and railing against the laws of the land that he feels unjust, Cheryl was accepting of her young boyfriend’s doings.
TJ has grown into a confident young boy, very relaxed and easy with his sharing.
Jeff showed up for a session at the men's group to show us that he was still alive and concentrating on business. His social and personal life were not discussed other than everyone is well and healthy. He phoned a week later to get my address so he could send me a Christmas card. A little guilt associated with this course he is on, I expect.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve was relaxed and easy between Susan and me. I have a few feelings about going back to her place after our trip to Derek's birthday and his house warming party. I felt that she was not ready to spend the evening so even asking the question was not a valid option. Her concern over my distance was apparent when she insisted that we become closer over the next while. I am sure that distancing myself will cause her to move towards me.
Cory and Dana are doing well. They had Xmas dinner together to celebrate the day. Dana was a little down because of lack of money and some friends that did not live up to his expectations over Christmas. Cory is excited about going down south to work for Greg. Hopefully this will come about quickly and he will start feeling useful. I expect to be in Toronto late Jan. or early Feb. to spend some time with them and Gillian.
Jan 5, Friday,
The week has moved by quickly, with the weather very nice, above zero during the day and continuing to stay pleasant and warm till next week.
Booked my tickets to Toronto, told the boys, they are happy and now my plans are set.
Susan is back at work, tired by the energy that is required to serve all her relatives and children. Holly is back in Fort St. John, and Jason, her husband, is back at work.
I continue in my search for a sales position in the areas other than the aviation industry. I have decided what I will accept in a new career and I am confident in pursuing only these goals. With some of the planning beginning to come together I have a direction again.
Only Warren and Hector were at the group on Thursday, Warren was getting over a head cold but was in a good mood nevertheless. Hector has spent a very enjoyable Christmas and New Years’ with his boys with a minimum of stress from his exwife. We spent the time talking about goal setting for the following year. Warren expressed his concern about being able to set goals for his work and personal life direction, but was unable to visualize what he wanted in a relationship to Sally. He is aware of it and will probably do something now that he has aired it out. I shared the fact that Susan and I were going to follow the suggestions that are laid out in the “Cheryl R. relationship” book on changing over one year.
Monday, Jan. 15
Nothing much has happened.
Monday, Jan 8
I noticed an ad on the Careerclick.com for an assistant for a home builder.
I called up and talked to Chris at Rocksolid Homes. Later that day I dropped by their showhome, talked to John and dropped off a resume. I had been looking for a position with other companies to do this for a short while. I had sent off several other job applications for sale positions at larger commercial companies. I have had no response from them, except a call from a job placement company to put my resume on e-mail. On Tuesday I got a call from Chris offering me the job if I wanted it. I said yes to and went over to discuss the job outline with John on Wednesday. After meeting with John, I accepted the position on a part time basis. The job has a small salary with a bonus if my discussion with a new home buyer is successful. This is a family owned and operated company, 3 brothers with mom and dad in control of overall operation. They have been around since 1982. The company is a mid size builder (40-45 homes) per year.
They stress service and quality compared to large quantity.
I worked Saturday/Sunday with John (sales manager) on Saturday, Gary (construction manager) on Sunday. I got a sense of what to say and how to discuss the ins and outs of home buying and building. These are large dollar items $250,000 on the average. It is a sales position, finding out what the client wants then showing them that this company can fill the need.
Monday, I am here myself with very little traffic. I am catching up on my computer work, writing and reading. At the very least this position will give me some experience in selling homes. It will allow me time to do other things if I wish. I expect this will be a long term position.
Even so, I will continue to contact the aviation companies to explore what possibilities they offer. I felt a little tentative in working again despite the reality that the hours are great and there is no pressure to do anything. Still the old work ethic kicks into gear and the mind gets going.
Susan is still at the tail end of her cold and flu, but she is getting better. We should be able to play Racquetball this week. Warren and I played squash on Friday and will do so again on Tuesday.
Wednesday, Jan 24
I am sitting at the Rocksolid showhome today. Very slow, only two people have come by so I am able to catch up on my paperwork.
Last weekend and Monday were quite busy, with five leads being passed on to John. I hope something comes of them; it would be a pleasant surprise.
Played squash with Warren last night, we had some very good games. Too bad that with the holidays we are going to have our games set back a little. His suggestion that we compete with other players is a good one.
Susan has been a little snappy this last week. Her daughter has been a drag but does seem to have a conscience and will apologize to Susan for acting childlike.
I am ready to go to Toronto next Tuesday, tickets money and affairs in order.
Talked to a couple more aviation companies this week, they are just confirming what I have been told; it is who you know in this industry not what you can do. I will have to start thinking outside of the box to have a career in aviation.
I will talk to John about working at the Ed Flying Club on Fridays. It will allow me to do some flying and have a little more cash flow.
I had lunch with Derek, who confirmed that he is unable to create RRSP accounts for the boys from here. We will have to arrange the pac at their banks.
I missed last week's group meeting so it will be nice to see the men on Thursday. Warren is off to Vancouver for the weekend. We are getting together on Sunday to celebrate his Mother's 84th birthday. She is still active and healthy.
The time has arrived for me to become more intense in finding another career that will compensate me in the $60K range in 2001-2002. It will have to be sales, probably not in the aviation industry as my past experience has shown. Home sales might be the answer but at the moment it seems rather slow paced and uncontrollable.
I will continue to do resumes from job applications in the paper.
I should get together with Susan and/or Warren and brain storm my resume for a different appearance.
I will consider additional training in the computer industry with the help of EI. I will have to drop by their office and see what is available. So much for now, it is almost closing time. I will have to lock up the show home, pick up a coffee and go home for supper.
Monday Jan 29
I am back at my job at the showhome.
The weather continues to be quite pleasant and exceptional for this time of year in Alberta. The temperature continues to range around the zero mark and above during the day with evening lows about 10 below. There is virtually no snow on the ground with none in the forecast.
Ski people around here and in the mountains, along with the snowmobile people are quite frustrated with their inability to enjoy the winter sports. Snow removal crews, private and city owned, have no need to venture forth into the streets. The loss of income for the truckers must be quite substantial, but the city is happy that they are not paying money from their snow removal budgets. In fact today, some city street crews are out filling in the pot holes in the city streets.
I spent an enjoyable weekend with Susan getting to know her again. We had a very good conversation on Saturday night and reacquainted our feelings.
Friday night she spent the evening with her friend Sue, catching up on the events in their respective lives. Sue R is enjoying her training role in Van. Fred is keeping busy at home, inventing contraptions that will make his life better and more efficient. He has not worked for the past month and half but keeps busy helping his neighbors. I feel sad that he has not called me to get together for coffee. Strange, but that is Fred. Cory is working hard and is quite busy. Dana has not worked since November and is quite frustrated but seems to be handling it quite well; I will spend some time with him when I am in Toronto.
My family, including Susan had brunch with my mother for her birthday on Sunday. It was a pleasant lunch, with Merci re-establishing her position in my brother's life. Her energy was handled well with Cheryl making the appropriate comments on the difficulty of being the "perfect person".
Susan and I spent some time on Saturday reading and completing the fourth chapter in the C. R. books that we are endeavoring to complete over the year.
Shirley called to have coffee on Friday. She is quite sad because of her mother passing away last week, I am sure that she is still feeling a little down. I will get together with her as soon as possible.
Susan is feeling up at the moment after several good nights sleep. She is quite stubborn in her decision to quit smoking but is coping well with all the emotional fluctuations. I still feel she gives way too much value to what her sister wants for her.
Had a call for Cory's truck today, Paul came by to have a look and test drive the truck? He seemed to like it but was going on to see another unit that was advertised in the paper. I quoted him a price of $34-35 hundred for the truck, a price that Cory would likely be willing to accept. Paul said he would call back this afternoon or evening. Hopefully he will. It would free up Cory from his debt and give me some cash for the holidays.
The situation certainly is strange; the more I back away from Susan in giving her some space the more she comes toward our relationship. I should be aware of this phenomenon as it happened before with Arlene. If I had kept my distance and not come to close to her in (marriage) and kept her as a dating companion we might still be together with a relationship that would be indescribable. (Not a chance, this is only wishful thinking on my part although I feel that the relationship would certainly have ended differently. I do not regret the way it went because of the growth that I have achieved. In life, I have come to realize there are many different variations of the future which are possible.
Tuesday, Dec. 11. This week has been quite cold - 25 during the day, clear but cold.
While she was at work I babysat Susan's home today while a new carpet was installed in her bedroom. She continues to battle her smoking cravings quite well these days.
I am keeping an arms length from this volatile situation. Friday was a little frustrating with her deciding to go shopping after racquetball instead of coming over to my place. I am not really in the mood for Christmas but I will buy some presents during this coming week. Saturday I dropped over to her place, we went shopping for some cd's, had coffee and then back to her place for a card game and some TV. I am tired of the scattered emotional feelings that she is exhibiting, so I am just not expecting anything and am not disappointed.
Played squash with Warren on Saturday, good games but we are both out of practice. He is catching up on his business commitments, so he is out of town most of the week. We should be able to get a game in next Saturday. I am continuing to volunteer for the Christmas bureau in money collections and some distribution of certificates. There has been only one inquiry on the truck, so I expect that it will not sell before the spring.
I expect my EI is coming to an end in December, a little earlier than I had calculated but this event will not have a great effect on me.
Talked to Ann from BC tonight, she is doing very well as a tenured professor.
I continue to send out resumes for sales jobs that I find interesting. All in all, things are going well.
Gillian called, she is back from Australia. She is very happy, relaxed and is starting to understand the good that a balanced life is giving her.
Cory was asked to fly down to Atlanta and fix a computer problem for his boss. It will give her a greater sense of importance and allow him to use the skills that he possesses more effectively.
Susan is very happy to see Mathew and her family that arrived from Fort St. John. The day has turned warmer after a week of very cold temperatures. We are getting a small amount of snow.
I am continuing to send out resumes for sales jobs that are appearing in the paper. I am all up to date with my Christmas shopping. I concluded the week with lunch with mother. All is well in my universe
Tomorrow I appear in court for Susan go pay for her summons for not carrying insurance papers in her car.
Jan 2/01
Well this is the beginning of a new year. I have not written in this diary for a month, so the following is catch up.
My feelings during December fluctuated only slightly during the days, considering the holidays and such, not a bad movement at all.
Susan continues being successful to the largest part with her smoking cessation. She has not had a puff since she stopped smoking. Her cravings for a cigarette have been manageable and easier as the days have progressed. Christmas brought Holly, Jason and Matthew for the holidays. They will be leaving tomorrow or the next day. The time spent together has been very easy and amicable. Holly has grown into motherhood and adulthood easily. She is relating to Susan as an equal now and being very comfortable with identity.
The holiday visits, dinners and meetings with Susan's family went well and their acceptance of me has given me a warm feeling. Mother and I went for dinner to Terry and Merci's place for early Christmas. Kurt was being his dogmatic self and railing against the laws of the land that he feels unjust, Cheryl was accepting of her young boyfriend’s doings.
TJ has grown into a confident young boy, very relaxed and easy with his sharing.
Jeff showed up for a session at the men's group to show us that he was still alive and concentrating on business. His social and personal life were not discussed other than everyone is well and healthy. He phoned a week later to get my address so he could send me a Christmas card. A little guilt associated with this course he is on, I expect.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve was relaxed and easy between Susan and me. I have a few feelings about going back to her place after our trip to Derek's birthday and his house warming party. I felt that she was not ready to spend the evening so even asking the question was not a valid option. Her concern over my distance was apparent when she insisted that we become closer over the next while. I am sure that distancing myself will cause her to move towards me.
Cory and Dana are doing well. They had Xmas dinner together to celebrate the day. Dana was a little down because of lack of money and some friends that did not live up to his expectations over Christmas. Cory is excited about going down south to work for Greg. Hopefully this will come about quickly and he will start feeling useful. I expect to be in Toronto late Jan. or early Feb. to spend some time with them and Gillian.
Jan 5, Friday,
The week has moved by quickly, with the weather very nice, above zero during the day and continuing to stay pleasant and warm till next week.
Booked my tickets to Toronto, told the boys, they are happy and now my plans are set.
Susan is back at work, tired by the energy that is required to serve all her relatives and children. Holly is back in Fort St. John, and Jason, her husband, is back at work.
I continue in my search for a sales position in the areas other than the aviation industry. I have decided what I will accept in a new career and I am confident in pursuing only these goals. With some of the planning beginning to come together I have a direction again.
Only Warren and Hector were at the group on Thursday, Warren was getting over a head cold but was in a good mood nevertheless. Hector has spent a very enjoyable Christmas and New Years’ with his boys with a minimum of stress from his exwife. We spent the time talking about goal setting for the following year. Warren expressed his concern about being able to set goals for his work and personal life direction, but was unable to visualize what he wanted in a relationship to Sally. He is aware of it and will probably do something now that he has aired it out. I shared the fact that Susan and I were going to follow the suggestions that are laid out in the “Cheryl R. relationship” book on changing over one year.
Monday, Jan. 15
Nothing much has happened.
Monday, Jan 8
I noticed an ad on the Careerclick.com for an assistant for a home builder.
I called up and talked to Chris at Rocksolid Homes. Later that day I dropped by their showhome, talked to John and dropped off a resume. I had been looking for a position with other companies to do this for a short while. I had sent off several other job applications for sale positions at larger commercial companies. I have had no response from them, except a call from a job placement company to put my resume on e-mail. On Tuesday I got a call from Chris offering me the job if I wanted it. I said yes to and went over to discuss the job outline with John on Wednesday. After meeting with John, I accepted the position on a part time basis. The job has a small salary with a bonus if my discussion with a new home buyer is successful. This is a family owned and operated company, 3 brothers with mom and dad in control of overall operation. They have been around since 1982. The company is a mid size builder (40-45 homes) per year.
They stress service and quality compared to large quantity.
I worked Saturday/Sunday with John (sales manager) on Saturday, Gary (construction manager) on Sunday. I got a sense of what to say and how to discuss the ins and outs of home buying and building. These are large dollar items $250,000 on the average. It is a sales position, finding out what the client wants then showing them that this company can fill the need.
Monday, I am here myself with very little traffic. I am catching up on my computer work, writing and reading. At the very least this position will give me some experience in selling homes. It will allow me time to do other things if I wish. I expect this will be a long term position.
Even so, I will continue to contact the aviation companies to explore what possibilities they offer. I felt a little tentative in working again despite the reality that the hours are great and there is no pressure to do anything. Still the old work ethic kicks into gear and the mind gets going.
Susan is still at the tail end of her cold and flu, but she is getting better. We should be able to play Racquetball this week. Warren and I played squash on Friday and will do so again on Tuesday.
Wednesday, Jan 24
I am sitting at the Rocksolid showhome today. Very slow, only two people have come by so I am able to catch up on my paperwork.
Last weekend and Monday were quite busy, with five leads being passed on to John. I hope something comes of them; it would be a pleasant surprise.
Played squash with Warren last night, we had some very good games. Too bad that with the holidays we are going to have our games set back a little. His suggestion that we compete with other players is a good one.
Susan has been a little snappy this last week. Her daughter has been a drag but does seem to have a conscience and will apologize to Susan for acting childlike.
I am ready to go to Toronto next Tuesday, tickets money and affairs in order.
Talked to a couple more aviation companies this week, they are just confirming what I have been told; it is who you know in this industry not what you can do. I will have to start thinking outside of the box to have a career in aviation.
I will talk to John about working at the Ed Flying Club on Fridays. It will allow me to do some flying and have a little more cash flow.
I had lunch with Derek, who confirmed that he is unable to create RRSP accounts for the boys from here. We will have to arrange the pac at their banks.
I missed last week's group meeting so it will be nice to see the men on Thursday. Warren is off to Vancouver for the weekend. We are getting together on Sunday to celebrate his Mother's 84th birthday. She is still active and healthy.
The time has arrived for me to become more intense in finding another career that will compensate me in the $60K range in 2001-2002. It will have to be sales, probably not in the aviation industry as my past experience has shown. Home sales might be the answer but at the moment it seems rather slow paced and uncontrollable.
I will continue to do resumes from job applications in the paper.
I should get together with Susan and/or Warren and brain storm my resume for a different appearance.
I will consider additional training in the computer industry with the help of EI. I will have to drop by their office and see what is available. So much for now, it is almost closing time. I will have to lock up the show home, pick up a coffee and go home for supper.
Monday Jan 29
I am back at my job at the showhome.
The weather continues to be quite pleasant and exceptional for this time of year in Alberta. The temperature continues to range around the zero mark and above during the day with evening lows about 10 below. There is virtually no snow on the ground with none in the forecast.
Ski people around here and in the mountains, along with the snowmobile people are quite frustrated with their inability to enjoy the winter sports. Snow removal crews, private and city owned, have no need to venture forth into the streets. The loss of income for the truckers must be quite substantial, but the city is happy that they are not paying money from their snow removal budgets. In fact today, some city street crews are out filling in the pot holes in the city streets.
I spent an enjoyable weekend with Susan getting to know her again. We had a very good conversation on Saturday night and reacquainted our feelings.
Friday night she spent the evening with her friend Sue, catching up on the events in their respective lives. Sue R is enjoying her training role in Van. Fred is keeping busy at home, inventing contraptions that will make his life better and more efficient. He has not worked for the past month and half but keeps busy helping his neighbors. I feel sad that he has not called me to get together for coffee. Strange, but that is Fred. Cory is working hard and is quite busy. Dana has not worked since November and is quite frustrated but seems to be handling it quite well; I will spend some time with him when I am in Toronto.
My family, including Susan had brunch with my mother for her birthday on Sunday. It was a pleasant lunch, with Merci re-establishing her position in my brother's life. Her energy was handled well with Cheryl making the appropriate comments on the difficulty of being the "perfect person".
Susan and I spent some time on Saturday reading and completing the fourth chapter in the C. R. books that we are endeavoring to complete over the year.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Possibilities
Tuesday, Aug /00
The weather is cool and rainy, feels like an October autumn day.
The day was spent reading a Pat Cornwell novel at the book store coffee shop.
Played squash with Warren, we each won three games, followed by supper with a discussion of his current relationship with Sally. There has been some change in his feelings in regard to what he desires in their relationship after his car trip with her to Victoria. He is looking for change; she is still unsure what that will mean to her state of mind and stability.
Cory is off to Toronto on Tuesday, to begin a new career in the big city. I am almost as excited as he is.
Dana is looking forward to seeing his brother again after a year apart. Things were moved up two weeks because we all wanted this to happen sooner. I will miss him. The time will come when I will travel to the big city of Toronto to see both of my sons. Gillian, Cory’s aunt, is looking forward to having him stay at her home.
I received a response to some faxes I sent out. Andy of an Aircraft sales company called to say that he had no need for paid help at the moment but would keep my file on hand. I will try to drop by his office tomorrow to offer some of my free time at his business to gain a better understanding of the industry.
Over the past several weeks, I have spent some time helping Derek on his house painting the outside of the house. The house has a homey feel about it with the finishing touches coming along nicely.
While talking with Derek, I learned that his life and work is very stressful at the moment and has caused him some sleepless nights. I wish him well and hope that he can maintain a balance that will make his life happier and more content. Viola is dealing well with the death of her eldest brother. They will be attending the funeral during the long week of September.
The Men's group moves along, with Jeff still absent.
Hector and his two boys are occupying his house with a feeling of contentment that they did not have last year. He is surprised by the quick change of events. He could not have imagined last year; that he would be in such a great state of mind.
Peter has come to terms, for the time being, with his wife’s inability to "get it".
Warren has been away over the past several weeks attending to business.
Everett espouses a new positive view of business and life, perhaps too easy. What he says is not congruent with the other energies that emanate from him.
I continue to relax and enjoy the slowness of the days that come from being away from work.
My time spent with Susan has been very quiet and peaceful.
Nov 2000
No words were written as nothing important seems to have happened. This is not true because much has happened, but the time to write did not seem appropriate.
Laziness or perhaps the unwillingness to give credence to events as they have occurred have prevented me from writing.
I am embraced by the sun and mild November temperatures. After last week’s snow with overcast, this is a pleasant change. The forecast suggests this will continue until Jan when we will be covered with many layers of snow.
Susan's journey to live without smoking continues into her second month. She struggles with the decision, although, the struggles might be with greater issues in her life. She is of good and bad humor and she goes out of her way to make apologies for her angry and moody times She tried to accomplish the cessation of her smoking with the use of the drug Zyban, but came to the conclusion that her chemical make up was disrupted to much to continue with the drug. With the drug leaving her system quickly over a short period of time she soon returned to a stable equilibrium. Her questioning of what she is hoping to accomplish has her questioning most other pasts of her life, me included. She is careful to inform me of the fact that she loves me but is not in love with me, something that she would like to happen to her. Oh well. I feel a little confused since I never expected life to be this complicated with her.
Her relationship with her Holly grows stronger as time progresses. Her grand-son, Mathew, is the love of her life, because Susan is such a great grand mother.
The men's group continues to meet every Thursday at the coffee shop.
Regrettable, neither Jim nor Jeff have not shown up for the last six months.
Hector is a consistent member attending faithfully sharing his marital and parental stories with us. His separation and subsequent disassociation from his wife has made Hector feel better physically and emotionally. His children are beginning to relax and behave in a normal fashion. The stress that they lived with during the previous years has affected them in a negative fashion.
Warren is working again. The slow development of his internet site has created some stress and discomfort in his life, resulting in back problems and muscle spasms. He has recognized these adverse effects and has taken steps to rectify the situation.
Michel is continuing to gain a better understanding of how he interacts with his wife. The long term business course he completed recently, has enabled him to create a realistic direction for his construction business. He seems to be more aware of how he talks and relates to Louise; now that he understands more of what the group is saying. He has had several “light bulb” moments over the last several months.
Peter, after struggling with his wife's over commitment to her work and his perceived lose of affection and attention, stated his feelings to her. She responded and now they are comfortable discussing the situation. Each has confronted the fear that the other will leave in the spur of the moment.
Jeff, we are told, is fully committed to getting a divorce from his wife and is dealing with all the associated problems and discussions. Nora has become a major part of his life and family. Apart from Jeff’s occasional lunch with Warren we have no other information as to what is happening in Jeff’s life. We respect his decision to stay in his own world and feel that he will reappear when he comfortable.
Jim continues to be associated with the "church group" he told us about. I would suspect that his search for the perfect woman continues until she becomes too interested in him.
I have made it though October, by being aware of the effect that this month has on me, with the help of Susan.
She is quite the gem.
My search for work continues without much success. It is becoming apparent that the sales and marketing of aviation products is a very small field. I have talked to a number of industry companies, investigated numerous other job opportunities but have found limited opportunities. My job search in this area will continue until the end of Feb. and at that time I will evaluate the direction I am proceeding in. With my increasing job searches on the internet I am becoming quite adept at chasing the job market. I continue to have complete faith that the perfect career opportunity will present itself.
With two more night flights I will be checked out for my night rating. The weather has been clear and beautiful with the promise that my instructor, Christine and I will complete the required flight time. With these successfully accomplished I will be able to fly at night by myself.
Cory is doing very well in Toronto, with more work that he can handle. He is very active is searching out more and better job opportunities by chasing the more complicated jobs in his computer field.
Dana is going in for knee surgery today. Arthroscopic surgery should fix the knee problems he has been having for the last many years.
Susan and I had brunch with Fred and Sue on Sunday. They are looking great. Both of them are anticipating the arrival of their grand-child, compliments of their daughter, Kelsey. Fred is a little leary of the new relationship that he will have with Kelsey's boyfriend but he will be able to handle it without to much difficulty, I feel.
The acceptance on my part to do nothing and still accept money has been a revelation to me. I have always based my worth on payment of some sort. Over the past many years that payment has been money. Now I am more aware that money has very little to do with my self worth. I was not aware of this before I did this “retirement” thing. Finding something to do during this time frame has not been too difficult for me, although it has been very difficult for others around me. Well, those are their problems not mine. Sometimes the fear that I will never work again, or be valued is apparent, but not to such a degree that I am immobilized by it. I feel there is a future that I am still not aware of, but will make it known at the appropriate time.
My confidence has increased to such a level that flying has become for me, a great pleasure and experience. It is truly enjoyable. I am very aware and comfortable in the air. I know what is happening and am confident that I will do the correct things. This to me is a very pleasant experience, something I have not known for a very long time. Susan's comments to me about my not being "in love" with her has been unsettling. I respect her honesty and comfortable level with me. It is nice to know that kind of comfort from another person and it is something I would not like to lose. We shall see what happens in the future.
Saw Arlene in the course of working for Ray's campaign. She was pretty as always, but I had no great interest in any follow up conversation.
This was a surprise considering the emotions that were present during our previous encounters. I am not even interested in how she is viewing our meeting. I hope that she is well and happy in her life, although I do not think she has come to terms with the demons that she carries with her. It was nice to know that her mother was well. With her sister and brother in law moving to the US, Arlene will not have the torment that her sister brought to their relationship. I would suppose that the caustic statements still can be made over the long physical distance.
Late December
Time has passed quickly with events standing the test of time.
The federal election is over. The Federal Liberals winning another majority government, the Alliance Party hardly making a mark on the elective thoughts of the voters.
My search for a career in the aviation industry continues but the opportunities are becoming fewer and fewer. The position of dispatcher was advertised so I talked to Dave at Morningstar and dropped off an application. He was nice and there is a possibility of a position in the future. I have also sent out some applications for other sales jobs.
I had the radio removed from Cory's truck and re advertised it for two more weeks.
I did some volunteer work for the Christmas bureau Monday, Tuesday and Friday. The volunteers involved have quite the wide array of stories.
Susan continues to struggle with her decision to quit smoking. She is on an anti depressant and continues to see a social worker that is provided by work. Last week she had an appointment with a psychologist that she has seen before. The session went quite well. With her belief in this person, Susan trusted what she heard more than other comments that were made to her by other people in her life. Today she was informed that her brother may have some type of skin cancer. Also her ex sister-in law, Janet may have colon cancer, although Janet has a history of histrionics and may just be anticipating this illness. Hopefully neither medical problem will have a negative effect on either of them.
Susan's loss of smoking still has her confused and erratic. Dealing with her confusion has created a certain amount of fatigue in our relationship, especially in me. I am getting quite tired of these ups and downs with the emotional and physical distance that is there between us. I have stepped back a little to give her room as well as giving myself room, should she decide to back off further. The end of my EI has me concerned; I am not to certain whether it ends in December or in Jan. I should have asked, Oh well it will end when it ends.
I have managed too complete my night rating this last week, so that is something else I have been able to claim my fame to.
The weather is cool and rainy, feels like an October autumn day.
The day was spent reading a Pat Cornwell novel at the book store coffee shop.
Played squash with Warren, we each won three games, followed by supper with a discussion of his current relationship with Sally. There has been some change in his feelings in regard to what he desires in their relationship after his car trip with her to Victoria. He is looking for change; she is still unsure what that will mean to her state of mind and stability.
Cory is off to Toronto on Tuesday, to begin a new career in the big city. I am almost as excited as he is.
Dana is looking forward to seeing his brother again after a year apart. Things were moved up two weeks because we all wanted this to happen sooner. I will miss him. The time will come when I will travel to the big city of Toronto to see both of my sons. Gillian, Cory’s aunt, is looking forward to having him stay at her home.
I received a response to some faxes I sent out. Andy of an Aircraft sales company called to say that he had no need for paid help at the moment but would keep my file on hand. I will try to drop by his office tomorrow to offer some of my free time at his business to gain a better understanding of the industry.
Over the past several weeks, I have spent some time helping Derek on his house painting the outside of the house. The house has a homey feel about it with the finishing touches coming along nicely.
While talking with Derek, I learned that his life and work is very stressful at the moment and has caused him some sleepless nights. I wish him well and hope that he can maintain a balance that will make his life happier and more content. Viola is dealing well with the death of her eldest brother. They will be attending the funeral during the long week of September.
The Men's group moves along, with Jeff still absent.
Hector and his two boys are occupying his house with a feeling of contentment that they did not have last year. He is surprised by the quick change of events. He could not have imagined last year; that he would be in such a great state of mind.
Peter has come to terms, for the time being, with his wife’s inability to "get it".
Warren has been away over the past several weeks attending to business.
Everett espouses a new positive view of business and life, perhaps too easy. What he says is not congruent with the other energies that emanate from him.
I continue to relax and enjoy the slowness of the days that come from being away from work.
My time spent with Susan has been very quiet and peaceful.
Nov 2000
No words were written as nothing important seems to have happened. This is not true because much has happened, but the time to write did not seem appropriate.
Laziness or perhaps the unwillingness to give credence to events as they have occurred have prevented me from writing.
I am embraced by the sun and mild November temperatures. After last week’s snow with overcast, this is a pleasant change. The forecast suggests this will continue until Jan when we will be covered with many layers of snow.
Susan's journey to live without smoking continues into her second month. She struggles with the decision, although, the struggles might be with greater issues in her life. She is of good and bad humor and she goes out of her way to make apologies for her angry and moody times She tried to accomplish the cessation of her smoking with the use of the drug Zyban, but came to the conclusion that her chemical make up was disrupted to much to continue with the drug. With the drug leaving her system quickly over a short period of time she soon returned to a stable equilibrium. Her questioning of what she is hoping to accomplish has her questioning most other pasts of her life, me included. She is careful to inform me of the fact that she loves me but is not in love with me, something that she would like to happen to her. Oh well. I feel a little confused since I never expected life to be this complicated with her.
Her relationship with her Holly grows stronger as time progresses. Her grand-son, Mathew, is the love of her life, because Susan is such a great grand mother.
The men's group continues to meet every Thursday at the coffee shop.
Regrettable, neither Jim nor Jeff have not shown up for the last six months.
Hector is a consistent member attending faithfully sharing his marital and parental stories with us. His separation and subsequent disassociation from his wife has made Hector feel better physically and emotionally. His children are beginning to relax and behave in a normal fashion. The stress that they lived with during the previous years has affected them in a negative fashion.
Warren is working again. The slow development of his internet site has created some stress and discomfort in his life, resulting in back problems and muscle spasms. He has recognized these adverse effects and has taken steps to rectify the situation.
Michel is continuing to gain a better understanding of how he interacts with his wife. The long term business course he completed recently, has enabled him to create a realistic direction for his construction business. He seems to be more aware of how he talks and relates to Louise; now that he understands more of what the group is saying. He has had several “light bulb” moments over the last several months.
Peter, after struggling with his wife's over commitment to her work and his perceived lose of affection and attention, stated his feelings to her. She responded and now they are comfortable discussing the situation. Each has confronted the fear that the other will leave in the spur of the moment.
Jeff, we are told, is fully committed to getting a divorce from his wife and is dealing with all the associated problems and discussions. Nora has become a major part of his life and family. Apart from Jeff’s occasional lunch with Warren we have no other information as to what is happening in Jeff’s life. We respect his decision to stay in his own world and feel that he will reappear when he comfortable.
Jim continues to be associated with the "church group" he told us about. I would suspect that his search for the perfect woman continues until she becomes too interested in him.
I have made it though October, by being aware of the effect that this month has on me, with the help of Susan.
She is quite the gem.
My search for work continues without much success. It is becoming apparent that the sales and marketing of aviation products is a very small field. I have talked to a number of industry companies, investigated numerous other job opportunities but have found limited opportunities. My job search in this area will continue until the end of Feb. and at that time I will evaluate the direction I am proceeding in. With my increasing job searches on the internet I am becoming quite adept at chasing the job market. I continue to have complete faith that the perfect career opportunity will present itself.
With two more night flights I will be checked out for my night rating. The weather has been clear and beautiful with the promise that my instructor, Christine and I will complete the required flight time. With these successfully accomplished I will be able to fly at night by myself.
Cory is doing very well in Toronto, with more work that he can handle. He is very active is searching out more and better job opportunities by chasing the more complicated jobs in his computer field.
Dana is going in for knee surgery today. Arthroscopic surgery should fix the knee problems he has been having for the last many years.
Susan and I had brunch with Fred and Sue on Sunday. They are looking great. Both of them are anticipating the arrival of their grand-child, compliments of their daughter, Kelsey. Fred is a little leary of the new relationship that he will have with Kelsey's boyfriend but he will be able to handle it without to much difficulty, I feel.
The acceptance on my part to do nothing and still accept money has been a revelation to me. I have always based my worth on payment of some sort. Over the past many years that payment has been money. Now I am more aware that money has very little to do with my self worth. I was not aware of this before I did this “retirement” thing. Finding something to do during this time frame has not been too difficult for me, although it has been very difficult for others around me. Well, those are their problems not mine. Sometimes the fear that I will never work again, or be valued is apparent, but not to such a degree that I am immobilized by it. I feel there is a future that I am still not aware of, but will make it known at the appropriate time.
My confidence has increased to such a level that flying has become for me, a great pleasure and experience. It is truly enjoyable. I am very aware and comfortable in the air. I know what is happening and am confident that I will do the correct things. This to me is a very pleasant experience, something I have not known for a very long time. Susan's comments to me about my not being "in love" with her has been unsettling. I respect her honesty and comfortable level with me. It is nice to know that kind of comfort from another person and it is something I would not like to lose. We shall see what happens in the future.
Saw Arlene in the course of working for Ray's campaign. She was pretty as always, but I had no great interest in any follow up conversation.
This was a surprise considering the emotions that were present during our previous encounters. I am not even interested in how she is viewing our meeting. I hope that she is well and happy in her life, although I do not think she has come to terms with the demons that she carries with her. It was nice to know that her mother was well. With her sister and brother in law moving to the US, Arlene will not have the torment that her sister brought to their relationship. I would suppose that the caustic statements still can be made over the long physical distance.
Late December
Time has passed quickly with events standing the test of time.
The federal election is over. The Federal Liberals winning another majority government, the Alliance Party hardly making a mark on the elective thoughts of the voters.
My search for a career in the aviation industry continues but the opportunities are becoming fewer and fewer. The position of dispatcher was advertised so I talked to Dave at Morningstar and dropped off an application. He was nice and there is a possibility of a position in the future. I have also sent out some applications for other sales jobs.
I had the radio removed from Cory's truck and re advertised it for two more weeks.
I did some volunteer work for the Christmas bureau Monday, Tuesday and Friday. The volunteers involved have quite the wide array of stories.
Susan continues to struggle with her decision to quit smoking. She is on an anti depressant and continues to see a social worker that is provided by work. Last week she had an appointment with a psychologist that she has seen before. The session went quite well. With her belief in this person, Susan trusted what she heard more than other comments that were made to her by other people in her life. Today she was informed that her brother may have some type of skin cancer. Also her ex sister-in law, Janet may have colon cancer, although Janet has a history of histrionics and may just be anticipating this illness. Hopefully neither medical problem will have a negative effect on either of them.
Susan's loss of smoking still has her confused and erratic. Dealing with her confusion has created a certain amount of fatigue in our relationship, especially in me. I am getting quite tired of these ups and downs with the emotional and physical distance that is there between us. I have stepped back a little to give her room as well as giving myself room, should she decide to back off further. The end of my EI has me concerned; I am not to certain whether it ends in December or in Jan. I should have asked, Oh well it will end when it ends.
I have managed too complete my night rating this last week, so that is something else I have been able to claim my fame to.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Dog Days of Summer
June 11
The rain has been constant since Thursday.
This is a nice time of the year for the rain to come. The grass and crops will benefit.
The last week has been interesting. Several events occurred that have reinforced a certain amount of paranoia and anger.
My former company manager checked an invoice that I had done for some work that had been assigned to my son’s company. One house was invoiced but not yet done. Tom phoned my Cory to inquire about this and I reacted with a great deal of anger and frustration.
The mood swing that occurred with this event affected my mood during a card game I had with Susan which changed the evening to the extent that she went home early. She will be traveling to see her daughter in Fort St. John for the weekend. We discussed the situation on the phone several times over the next few days. I came to a better understanding of the control issues that I still carry with me.
Concerns I have over the loss of my son’s contract to do the development are perhaps unreasonable. I am tempted to look at the worst thing that can happen. After discussing it with the group I am better able to understand that I am still carrying a great deal of resentment toward the way that my former company treated me. My fears of surviving the future are still with me, it seems more than I would like to admit.
Had a delightful lunch with Shirley, her new job as a writer is reviving the skills she had as a reporter. Her love of writing, hidden by so many years of being a manager is coming to the surface again. Her hours are shorter and her time for herself and her son, Devin, are increased.
Warren and I are still playing squash, I am still losing but the games are getting closer and more complicated. I am still reading the squash book, trying to use the new skills and techniques that I am gleaning from the book.
Jeff still has not come to the group, but Nora and I had coffee. She confirmed that Jeff is concentrating on getting through his divorce and all the legal ramifications that come from these actions.
My son’s, Cory and Dana are fine.
Dana ended the phone call with the response of "I Love You", something he has rarely done in the past. A promotion, a raise and more than enough work has put him in a good frame of mind. His relationship with his girlfriend is continuing nicely.
Susan is back from her visit to her daughter in the North Country, safe and sound.
My job search continues with resumes being sent out to aviation companies, no response yet. Some job will be there when the time is appropriate.
Talked to Susan about the possibility of me requiring anger management if I cannot get a handle on things.
Wednesday, June 21.
The time has gone by quite quickly. It has been almost three months since I stopped working for the company.
The feeling gets better every day.
I spent a great weekend with Susan. Celebrated her birthday on Friday by taking her for a romantic dinner at Fiora's and then to some live theatre at the Jubilee. We spent Saturday together, saw some garage sales, did some work around her yard, then coffee at Chapter's. Sunday was father's day. Cory took Susan and me to a baseball game. We had a good time. I took Cory home and then went over to Louise and Rob's place for Susan's birthday and father's day supper.
The men's group continues to meet, although Jeff is still absent. Hector has not shown up for several days due to his son's soccer games which are on Thursdays. Everett, showing more patience, is communicating much more easily with his wife, Louis. Peter is glad that school is just about over and his wife will be around more.
I am becoming more aware of the anger that seems to well up when I feel that I should be in control of an event and am not..
Such arrogance.
Gillian, my sister, is arriving on Saturday for the reunion. Her boys are coming for the weekend. It does not seem that Dana is able to make the weekend.
Monday, June 26.
Weekend is over.
I spent Saturday on a “CARES” search and rescue exercise. It went well, I went as a spotter. We flew through rain showers, near low clouds and small building clouds. It was good experience for future flying. Susan was tired and spent Friday night at home catching up on some sleep, we were to go out Saturday night but she became ill during the afternoon.
I took in some of the jazz festival in the evening. We had coffee with her in the evening.
Talked to Warren and we are playing squash on Tuesday.
Gillian came into Edmonton Saturday afternoon, had lunch with Cheryl and then traveled to our home town and went to a dance with our brother and sister in law. She is spending time there working on the reunion and coming into the city on Tuesday. We are to have lunch with Mom on Wednesday.
I did some inspections at the work site and then finished reading a book on The “Jon Benet” murder case at Chapters.
I am sending out some resumes tonight.
Wednesday, July 19/00
Time has passed since my last entry. The reunion has come and gone; Gillian has been here and has returned to Toronto.
Time has passed since seeing Susan.
The reunion was a great success; those who came and enjoyed the meeting and greeting were blessed by renewed family friends and memories. Those who did not make an appearance were happy in the thought that it really was not that important of a gathering, each happy and content with the decision that they had made.
Gillian helped guide the weekend along with her energy, desires and vision. A discussion with our brother about his feelings about her did not dampen the enthusiasm she had for the event. Gillian's boys Simon and Jason made an appearance and enjoyed their time here. Cory was able to spend some time with them, get an understanding of another type of life in Toronto, with the possibility of moving there for the job opportunities that are available.
Cheryl was in her glory.
Mother, a little leary of the event soon became quite comfortable with the time and people that were around her. She became quite comfortable with Gillian and her energy. Keeping up with Gillian is still an event but I managed to spend a great deal of time with her, except when she was off to the west coast visiting some childhood friends. Her stories from the event were quite amusing.
Her completion of the reunion by way of photographs and albums will hold the event in a special place in the memory of the people who took part.
Susan was quite busy during the past several weeks, to the extent that I felt quite alone and ignored. She seems to have relegated me to a secondary position in her life. This is a little disconcerting to me. Her feelings have not changed; it was just the time and place that kept us apart. I expect this is justification on my part. I have been able to come to terms with the distance and have been able to not read anything into the situation.
Warren has his relatives in town for a month and is coping by using the situation as a learning experience. The life style that his relatives bring to the visit with their traveling is something that he has not witnessed for a long time. Now that he is back in town he is able to spend some time at work. We continue to play squash; he continues to win, but the games are getting more and more complicated and exhausting. Sally accompanies him to Grant McEwen and spends time working out while we are playing squash. Peter and Everett continue to show up at the weekly meetings when they are in town. Hector makes an appearance when he is able. Peter has made the comment that Hector and his ex wife continue to interact, even tho they have separate homes and theoretically separate lives. They are perhaps a reflection of Warren and Sally.
Jeff is nowhere to be found. He has disappeared totally from view, both from the men's group and from the business connections.
Jim has not made an appearance since spring.
I continue along with my management of my son's business, resumes are sent out for a new career, not flying enough, but the weather has been quite unacceptable for any fun flights. Perhaps in the near future.
My relationship with Susan has cooled off over the recent past only because of the small amount of time that we have spent together. Her decision to cancel some of our times together, to spend time with her girl friends has been a disappointment to me, but not really a threat. I am just unhappy that I am not spending enough time with her, whatever that means.
We are both looking forward to the holiday that we have planned to August to camp in B.C.
I had a call from the manager of Delta Helicopters in response to some inquiries that I sent out. I am to meet with him for further discussions on Monday. I guess that there might be some one out there is interested in me and my abilities.
Sunday, July 23
Just got off the phone with Dana, he seems to be doing well. He had some work and sounds content with what he has done but he made no mention of girl friend. Hopefully they are getting on together.
Susan still has the sinus infection but is confident that it is slowly going away. I was over on Friday for a short time, played cards, tried to watch the movie The Green Mile (tape did not function properly). Saturday evening we played some golf with her brother at the Highlands Golf Course. It was quite hot and muggy. Sunday brought some large storms and hail to the Lloydminster area.
I have the interview with Don of Delta Helicopters tomorrow, a little nervous. I have not been able to get much information on the company even after talking to my friend Bill. They contact number he gave me is not available these last few days. Don't know what I can offer or what they want, but I know that I have much to offer. I am sure that we can have a good working relationship, if not with this company, then with the next one that will be compatible.
The step of faith that is required to ensure the desired success is small in concept but sometimes very large in certainty. I have already successfully accomplished this leap of faith with the movement onto the next experience that will influence my life and those around me. The accomplishment of what is already a part of me, only to be played out by me, continues to allow me to taste the unknown future that is still unthinkable and unimaginable. This is such a gift to be allowed to participate and experience this level of being. There is possibility of failure, with only success to the level that I wish. This is such an experience.
Cheryl is continuing to experience the unknown, but still has not achieved the level of discarding guilt
Wednesday, Aug 16
Back from the holiday with Susan to the west coast of B.C. It was a fabulous week of relaxing, trying out new things (sea kayaking), hiking and just relaxing. We spent the time well and comfortably together. We packed too many things (clothes and utensils) but packed some correct items, barbeque-gas stove. The weather was warm and sunny during the week, with gentle winds and no rain at all. The scenery was breathtaking and inspiring. We travel well together.
Cory took care of everything while I was gone, the new work that came in and the work that is continuing on the Villa. His workplace environment is still bothering him, so I expect that he will be moving to Toronto soon.
Dana has moved out of the house that he was sharing with Linda. He phoned last night, quite unsettled about the whole situation. It will take some time for him to regain his emotional stability, although he is continuing to further his career with the help of Jason, Dana is doing the work necessary to get him into IATSE so that he can do the stunt work that he wants to be involved in.
I missed the men's group last week. Peter should be back from his holidays this coming Thursday. Warren has not called back about the squash game for this Friday.
I will be sending out some more resumes this week to continue my search for a position in the aviation field. If nothing else I can continue marketing Cory's company.
Although I still am confident that the work and changes will occur because I am open to such changes. I will continue to aggressively pursue this new direction in my life. I should talk to Bill about some of his contacts and thoughts on whom I should see and meet.
I hope that Gerald N wants to go flying soon. It would be nice for both of us. I certainly hope that he continues on and becomes a flight instructor to ensure that he gets a job flying the big planes he loves. It is his choice. I wander how much faith he has in what he can really accomplish?
During the past little while I have taken up reading light summer time literature, somewhat different for me but it is a nice way to relax and slow everything down. There are certain advantages to allowing events to take responsibility for themselves.
Shirley is in Britain at the moment with Devin, having a wonderful time exploring the old world. The change and time away will do her good.
The rain has been constant since Thursday.
This is a nice time of the year for the rain to come. The grass and crops will benefit.
The last week has been interesting. Several events occurred that have reinforced a certain amount of paranoia and anger.
My former company manager checked an invoice that I had done for some work that had been assigned to my son’s company. One house was invoiced but not yet done. Tom phoned my Cory to inquire about this and I reacted with a great deal of anger and frustration.
The mood swing that occurred with this event affected my mood during a card game I had with Susan which changed the evening to the extent that she went home early. She will be traveling to see her daughter in Fort St. John for the weekend. We discussed the situation on the phone several times over the next few days. I came to a better understanding of the control issues that I still carry with me.
Concerns I have over the loss of my son’s contract to do the development are perhaps unreasonable. I am tempted to look at the worst thing that can happen. After discussing it with the group I am better able to understand that I am still carrying a great deal of resentment toward the way that my former company treated me. My fears of surviving the future are still with me, it seems more than I would like to admit.
Had a delightful lunch with Shirley, her new job as a writer is reviving the skills she had as a reporter. Her love of writing, hidden by so many years of being a manager is coming to the surface again. Her hours are shorter and her time for herself and her son, Devin, are increased.
Warren and I are still playing squash, I am still losing but the games are getting closer and more complicated. I am still reading the squash book, trying to use the new skills and techniques that I am gleaning from the book.
Jeff still has not come to the group, but Nora and I had coffee. She confirmed that Jeff is concentrating on getting through his divorce and all the legal ramifications that come from these actions.
My son’s, Cory and Dana are fine.
Dana ended the phone call with the response of "I Love You", something he has rarely done in the past. A promotion, a raise and more than enough work has put him in a good frame of mind. His relationship with his girlfriend is continuing nicely.
Susan is back from her visit to her daughter in the North Country, safe and sound.
My job search continues with resumes being sent out to aviation companies, no response yet. Some job will be there when the time is appropriate.
Talked to Susan about the possibility of me requiring anger management if I cannot get a handle on things.
Wednesday, June 21.
The time has gone by quite quickly. It has been almost three months since I stopped working for the company.
The feeling gets better every day.
I spent a great weekend with Susan. Celebrated her birthday on Friday by taking her for a romantic dinner at Fiora's and then to some live theatre at the Jubilee. We spent Saturday together, saw some garage sales, did some work around her yard, then coffee at Chapter's. Sunday was father's day. Cory took Susan and me to a baseball game. We had a good time. I took Cory home and then went over to Louise and Rob's place for Susan's birthday and father's day supper.
The men's group continues to meet, although Jeff is still absent. Hector has not shown up for several days due to his son's soccer games which are on Thursdays. Everett, showing more patience, is communicating much more easily with his wife, Louis. Peter is glad that school is just about over and his wife will be around more.
I am becoming more aware of the anger that seems to well up when I feel that I should be in control of an event and am not..
Such arrogance.
Gillian, my sister, is arriving on Saturday for the reunion. Her boys are coming for the weekend. It does not seem that Dana is able to make the weekend.
Monday, June 26.
Weekend is over.
I spent Saturday on a “CARES” search and rescue exercise. It went well, I went as a spotter. We flew through rain showers, near low clouds and small building clouds. It was good experience for future flying. Susan was tired and spent Friday night at home catching up on some sleep, we were to go out Saturday night but she became ill during the afternoon.
I took in some of the jazz festival in the evening. We had coffee with her in the evening.
Talked to Warren and we are playing squash on Tuesday.
Gillian came into Edmonton Saturday afternoon, had lunch with Cheryl and then traveled to our home town and went to a dance with our brother and sister in law. She is spending time there working on the reunion and coming into the city on Tuesday. We are to have lunch with Mom on Wednesday.
I did some inspections at the work site and then finished reading a book on The “Jon Benet” murder case at Chapters.
I am sending out some resumes tonight.
Wednesday, July 19/00
Time has passed since my last entry. The reunion has come and gone; Gillian has been here and has returned to Toronto.
Time has passed since seeing Susan.
The reunion was a great success; those who came and enjoyed the meeting and greeting were blessed by renewed family friends and memories. Those who did not make an appearance were happy in the thought that it really was not that important of a gathering, each happy and content with the decision that they had made.
Gillian helped guide the weekend along with her energy, desires and vision. A discussion with our brother about his feelings about her did not dampen the enthusiasm she had for the event. Gillian's boys Simon and Jason made an appearance and enjoyed their time here. Cory was able to spend some time with them, get an understanding of another type of life in Toronto, with the possibility of moving there for the job opportunities that are available.
Cheryl was in her glory.
Mother, a little leary of the event soon became quite comfortable with the time and people that were around her. She became quite comfortable with Gillian and her energy. Keeping up with Gillian is still an event but I managed to spend a great deal of time with her, except when she was off to the west coast visiting some childhood friends. Her stories from the event were quite amusing.
Her completion of the reunion by way of photographs and albums will hold the event in a special place in the memory of the people who took part.
Susan was quite busy during the past several weeks, to the extent that I felt quite alone and ignored. She seems to have relegated me to a secondary position in her life. This is a little disconcerting to me. Her feelings have not changed; it was just the time and place that kept us apart. I expect this is justification on my part. I have been able to come to terms with the distance and have been able to not read anything into the situation.
Warren has his relatives in town for a month and is coping by using the situation as a learning experience. The life style that his relatives bring to the visit with their traveling is something that he has not witnessed for a long time. Now that he is back in town he is able to spend some time at work. We continue to play squash; he continues to win, but the games are getting more and more complicated and exhausting. Sally accompanies him to Grant McEwen and spends time working out while we are playing squash. Peter and Everett continue to show up at the weekly meetings when they are in town. Hector makes an appearance when he is able. Peter has made the comment that Hector and his ex wife continue to interact, even tho they have separate homes and theoretically separate lives. They are perhaps a reflection of Warren and Sally.
Jeff is nowhere to be found. He has disappeared totally from view, both from the men's group and from the business connections.
Jim has not made an appearance since spring.
I continue along with my management of my son's business, resumes are sent out for a new career, not flying enough, but the weather has been quite unacceptable for any fun flights. Perhaps in the near future.
My relationship with Susan has cooled off over the recent past only because of the small amount of time that we have spent together. Her decision to cancel some of our times together, to spend time with her girl friends has been a disappointment to me, but not really a threat. I am just unhappy that I am not spending enough time with her, whatever that means.
We are both looking forward to the holiday that we have planned to August to camp in B.C.
I had a call from the manager of Delta Helicopters in response to some inquiries that I sent out. I am to meet with him for further discussions on Monday. I guess that there might be some one out there is interested in me and my abilities.
Sunday, July 23
Just got off the phone with Dana, he seems to be doing well. He had some work and sounds content with what he has done but he made no mention of girl friend. Hopefully they are getting on together.
Susan still has the sinus infection but is confident that it is slowly going away. I was over on Friday for a short time, played cards, tried to watch the movie The Green Mile (tape did not function properly). Saturday evening we played some golf with her brother at the Highlands Golf Course. It was quite hot and muggy. Sunday brought some large storms and hail to the Lloydminster area.
I have the interview with Don of Delta Helicopters tomorrow, a little nervous. I have not been able to get much information on the company even after talking to my friend Bill. They contact number he gave me is not available these last few days. Don't know what I can offer or what they want, but I know that I have much to offer. I am sure that we can have a good working relationship, if not with this company, then with the next one that will be compatible.
The step of faith that is required to ensure the desired success is small in concept but sometimes very large in certainty. I have already successfully accomplished this leap of faith with the movement onto the next experience that will influence my life and those around me. The accomplishment of what is already a part of me, only to be played out by me, continues to allow me to taste the unknown future that is still unthinkable and unimaginable. This is such a gift to be allowed to participate and experience this level of being. There is possibility of failure, with only success to the level that I wish. This is such an experience.
Cheryl is continuing to experience the unknown, but still has not achieved the level of discarding guilt
Wednesday, Aug 16
Back from the holiday with Susan to the west coast of B.C. It was a fabulous week of relaxing, trying out new things (sea kayaking), hiking and just relaxing. We spent the time well and comfortably together. We packed too many things (clothes and utensils) but packed some correct items, barbeque-gas stove. The weather was warm and sunny during the week, with gentle winds and no rain at all. The scenery was breathtaking and inspiring. We travel well together.
Cory took care of everything while I was gone, the new work that came in and the work that is continuing on the Villa. His workplace environment is still bothering him, so I expect that he will be moving to Toronto soon.
Dana has moved out of the house that he was sharing with Linda. He phoned last night, quite unsettled about the whole situation. It will take some time for him to regain his emotional stability, although he is continuing to further his career with the help of Jason, Dana is doing the work necessary to get him into IATSE so that he can do the stunt work that he wants to be involved in.
I missed the men's group last week. Peter should be back from his holidays this coming Thursday. Warren has not called back about the squash game for this Friday.
I will be sending out some more resumes this week to continue my search for a position in the aviation field. If nothing else I can continue marketing Cory's company.
Although I still am confident that the work and changes will occur because I am open to such changes. I will continue to aggressively pursue this new direction in my life. I should talk to Bill about some of his contacts and thoughts on whom I should see and meet.
I hope that Gerald N wants to go flying soon. It would be nice for both of us. I certainly hope that he continues on and becomes a flight instructor to ensure that he gets a job flying the big planes he loves. It is his choice. I wander how much faith he has in what he can really accomplish?
During the past little while I have taken up reading light summer time literature, somewhat different for me but it is a nice way to relax and slow everything down. There are certain advantages to allowing events to take responsibility for themselves.
Shirley is in Britain at the moment with Devin, having a wonderful time exploring the old world. The change and time away will do her good.
