Monday, November 21, 2005
Profoundness rears its head
Thursday, April 26, rained over night, changed from cloudy to sunny with windy gusts +20
I finally purchased some pillows at Sears.
After doing some copying at the office I drove to the show home and set up some items.
The basement is being dug for Jim R's home.
Peter called to say that he was coming over to see the showhome and discuss what has been happening in his life.
Susan continues the habit of talking each day by calling to say hello. She does not seem to understand that if she wants to have a change, she will have to be able to stop the little exchanges we have had during the day. I do not think she is fully aware of what she wants and what is required for her to find herself.
Several people called about the truck which has been sold. I have had no call from the purchaser about any problems and no call from the bank that the checque has bounced. I will have to check my account to make sure that the money is there. I am sure that all will be ok with this exchange. I will tell Cory later next week that the truck has been sold. I am sure that he will be a little sad that his great truck has left his life.
John said he had a good feeling about the meeting with Mike and Marion this evening but was not counting his chickens before the eggs hatched.
I will look seriously at a new bed and a tune up for the car when and if the sale goes through. I owe that much to my car.
After talking to another insurance company, I find that the insurance rate for my car will not go down if I move from AMA. I will have to keep the rate at the same level to have protection for collision, theft and vandalism even when the car is paid off.
A pleasant surprise, Peter and Hector came to the show home for our group meeting; Everett and Warren were both engaged somewhere else. We had a great time catching up on the past events of many weeks. I shared with them the trials and tribulations of maintaining a relationship with Susan and her current confusion.
Hector is taking Jill (a new lady he meet through the personals) to supper tonight.
John called to confirm that he had another very good meeting with Mike and Monica, did the initial pricing, will do the final pricing and have them sign it over the weekend. They want to go ahead with this quickly. This is not a hundred per cent but very close. It is nice to have this happen. John and Chris will be happy and I am glad that things are coming to a conclusion.
The times are sadness slow and the minutes long.
I feel sadness since Susan's decision.
Work has been busy over the weekend with some serious people on Sunday. Saturday was very quiet with the weather being very warm, most of the people out walking, shopping or in their back yards. George and Isabelle quite liked the Cascade and will probably build this unit this spring. Jason and Diana returned from Grand Prairie this weekend, said they were looking to build a home, so John and I priced out the unit. I gave them the price; they left but have not returned. Monica dropped by to look at the Artisan again before she picked up the agreement from John at Sherwood Park. On Monday, she called and left a message that they were not going to build a home. John was disappointed and will call them to find out what has happened.
Susan and I went out for supper on Saturday to a local restaurant for a meal that was average to say the best. We had a lengthy conversation that really did not help the situation any more than to confirm that we were both in pain. Not a happy situation. We went to the Casino after the supper, played blackjack, roulette and the slots. We had a bit of fun but left on a quiet note. She is sure that something has to be done by her but she wants it both ways.
Monday was a difficult day for me.
I talked with Cheryl about the situation, her attention and advice helped a great deal.
I am having breakfast with Derek on Friday. I learned that he was in admitting for 6 hours with what he thought was a heart attack. They found nothing but he was quite shaken up. He is unsure whether all that he is trying to accomplish has any meaning any more.
Susan said that Luke is quite shaken with her decision to move on in her personal space and no longer see me. After his coming through several emotional relationships in the near past, he is going to be very unsettled. I hope he will come through it OK.
I expect Louise will have the greatest difficulty coming to terms with her sister's activities. Oh well.
I went looking for a bedroom set and a sofa over the weekend. There certainly is a great variety of looks, materials and prices in the market. The bedroom set at Mobler seems to be the closest that I envision purchasing. With the possible cancellation of the M and M agreement, I will have to postpone my purchase of any bedroom set until the next confirmed sale.
This next sale is certain to come along soon.
Dana called last night to say that he was doing quite fine, with rent paid for the month, some spending money for food. Since he has given up drinking and women along with trying to give up smoking, financially he should be OK. Several irons are in the fire for him as far as work is concerned, so there is a great possibility that he will be working at something he really enjoys, soon.
Tuesday, May 2001. light rain overnight, cloudy in the morning turning to sunshine then clouds moving in during the evening, windy + 14
I continued to spend time in the mornings looking at sofas and beds in a variety of stores. There certainly are some nice leather sofas and chairs in the market. The prices are nice also.
Traffic is very light today.
I purchased two pairs of slacks (dark blue) and a sweater at Kingsway mall.
Have done some thinking regarding the development between Susan and myself. I am still swinging from being very angry with her to admiring the strength she has in trying to obtain the dream she has. It could be a growth experience for both of us if we could get by the emotion of it all. Deep down, I am really not losing anything other than the closeness that we had over the last several years. We have not been intimate for several months so there is no loss except the perceived loss in the future.
I have to look forward with pleasure and anticipation to meeting and enjoying new women.
I expect there will be both good sides and some difficulties in getting to know these women and sharing myself with them.
I am pleased that Dana was able to pick up on my unstable emotions when we had our conversation on Sunday night. I will have to call him tonight to confirm what he sensed was correct and not something in his imagination.
The chances for unexpected adventures are very possible for Susan because of the direction that she is taking at the moment.
We might get back together again, although I have no idea what would have to change in her emotions and mental states for this to happen. I still am not sure whether I wish to maintain a friendship and closeness that would allow her to move ahead to complete her dreams. Would I just get in the way?
I could stick around, get in her way and not allow her to complete her dreams.
Perhaps as Cheryl suggested, I can step back to allow her to realize what she is losing and maybe have it make an impact on her. Loss sometimes makes reality much more apparent.
I talked to Derek today about his health problems and told him I was thinking about him. He seemed pleased. We also discussed the different qualities of mattresses and box springs in the context of sleeping comfort.
I should go back to the very start of this diary and edit the contents. I could add and make comments from my memory or complete my thoughts that I was unable to at the time of writing. This could be uncomfortable. There is the reality of bringing back and reliving what I have chosen to forget. I will do it soon if not tomorrow.
This is the time to grab an opportunity to be bigger and learn what can be achieved in a larger sense instead of taking the easy road of feeling personal loss and self pity. I could learn and experience something new by helping Susan achieve what might be possible in her mind, when someone else would not be so willing to help. If I take the easy route and feel sorry for myself I would lose this opportunity.
We are better than that; Susan is giving us the opportunity to experience this new reality. Will I, should I, and can I take myself by the shoulder and move through this new space with her.
I have continually told my boys that they are better and greater than they believe they are. They have the potential to achieve unimaginable ideas. Why should I choose not to follow this advice and opportunity? They will learn more by action than by words and they do watch me closely, so I have noticed. With a little more thought and time I will be able to convey this new found wisdom and direction to Susan and note how she reacts and lives with this.
I finally purchased some pillows at Sears.
After doing some copying at the office I drove to the show home and set up some items.
The basement is being dug for Jim R's home.
Peter called to say that he was coming over to see the showhome and discuss what has been happening in his life.
Susan continues the habit of talking each day by calling to say hello. She does not seem to understand that if she wants to have a change, she will have to be able to stop the little exchanges we have had during the day. I do not think she is fully aware of what she wants and what is required for her to find herself.
Several people called about the truck which has been sold. I have had no call from the purchaser about any problems and no call from the bank that the checque has bounced. I will have to check my account to make sure that the money is there. I am sure that all will be ok with this exchange. I will tell Cory later next week that the truck has been sold. I am sure that he will be a little sad that his great truck has left his life.
John said he had a good feeling about the meeting with Mike and Marion this evening but was not counting his chickens before the eggs hatched.
I will look seriously at a new bed and a tune up for the car when and if the sale goes through. I owe that much to my car.
After talking to another insurance company, I find that the insurance rate for my car will not go down if I move from AMA. I will have to keep the rate at the same level to have protection for collision, theft and vandalism even when the car is paid off.
A pleasant surprise, Peter and Hector came to the show home for our group meeting; Everett and Warren were both engaged somewhere else. We had a great time catching up on the past events of many weeks. I shared with them the trials and tribulations of maintaining a relationship with Susan and her current confusion.
Hector is taking Jill (a new lady he meet through the personals) to supper tonight.
John called to confirm that he had another very good meeting with Mike and Monica, did the initial pricing, will do the final pricing and have them sign it over the weekend. They want to go ahead with this quickly. This is not a hundred per cent but very close. It is nice to have this happen. John and Chris will be happy and I am glad that things are coming to a conclusion.
The times are sadness slow and the minutes long.
I feel sadness since Susan's decision.
Work has been busy over the weekend with some serious people on Sunday. Saturday was very quiet with the weather being very warm, most of the people out walking, shopping or in their back yards. George and Isabelle quite liked the Cascade and will probably build this unit this spring. Jason and Diana returned from Grand Prairie this weekend, said they were looking to build a home, so John and I priced out the unit. I gave them the price; they left but have not returned. Monica dropped by to look at the Artisan again before she picked up the agreement from John at Sherwood Park. On Monday, she called and left a message that they were not going to build a home. John was disappointed and will call them to find out what has happened.
Susan and I went out for supper on Saturday to a local restaurant for a meal that was average to say the best. We had a lengthy conversation that really did not help the situation any more than to confirm that we were both in pain. Not a happy situation. We went to the Casino after the supper, played blackjack, roulette and the slots. We had a bit of fun but left on a quiet note. She is sure that something has to be done by her but she wants it both ways.
Monday was a difficult day for me.
I talked with Cheryl about the situation, her attention and advice helped a great deal.
I am having breakfast with Derek on Friday. I learned that he was in admitting for 6 hours with what he thought was a heart attack. They found nothing but he was quite shaken up. He is unsure whether all that he is trying to accomplish has any meaning any more.
Susan said that Luke is quite shaken with her decision to move on in her personal space and no longer see me. After his coming through several emotional relationships in the near past, he is going to be very unsettled. I hope he will come through it OK.
I expect Louise will have the greatest difficulty coming to terms with her sister's activities. Oh well.
I went looking for a bedroom set and a sofa over the weekend. There certainly is a great variety of looks, materials and prices in the market. The bedroom set at Mobler seems to be the closest that I envision purchasing. With the possible cancellation of the M and M agreement, I will have to postpone my purchase of any bedroom set until the next confirmed sale.
This next sale is certain to come along soon.
Dana called last night to say that he was doing quite fine, with rent paid for the month, some spending money for food. Since he has given up drinking and women along with trying to give up smoking, financially he should be OK. Several irons are in the fire for him as far as work is concerned, so there is a great possibility that he will be working at something he really enjoys, soon.
Tuesday, May 2001. light rain overnight, cloudy in the morning turning to sunshine then clouds moving in during the evening, windy + 14
I continued to spend time in the mornings looking at sofas and beds in a variety of stores. There certainly are some nice leather sofas and chairs in the market. The prices are nice also.
Traffic is very light today.
I purchased two pairs of slacks (dark blue) and a sweater at Kingsway mall.
Have done some thinking regarding the development between Susan and myself. I am still swinging from being very angry with her to admiring the strength she has in trying to obtain the dream she has. It could be a growth experience for both of us if we could get by the emotion of it all. Deep down, I am really not losing anything other than the closeness that we had over the last several years. We have not been intimate for several months so there is no loss except the perceived loss in the future.
I have to look forward with pleasure and anticipation to meeting and enjoying new women.
I expect there will be both good sides and some difficulties in getting to know these women and sharing myself with them.
I am pleased that Dana was able to pick up on my unstable emotions when we had our conversation on Sunday night. I will have to call him tonight to confirm what he sensed was correct and not something in his imagination.
The chances for unexpected adventures are very possible for Susan because of the direction that she is taking at the moment.
We might get back together again, although I have no idea what would have to change in her emotions and mental states for this to happen. I still am not sure whether I wish to maintain a friendship and closeness that would allow her to move ahead to complete her dreams. Would I just get in the way?
I could stick around, get in her way and not allow her to complete her dreams.
Perhaps as Cheryl suggested, I can step back to allow her to realize what she is losing and maybe have it make an impact on her. Loss sometimes makes reality much more apparent.
I talked to Derek today about his health problems and told him I was thinking about him. He seemed pleased. We also discussed the different qualities of mattresses and box springs in the context of sleeping comfort.
I should go back to the very start of this diary and edit the contents. I could add and make comments from my memory or complete my thoughts that I was unable to at the time of writing. This could be uncomfortable. There is the reality of bringing back and reliving what I have chosen to forget. I will do it soon if not tomorrow.
This is the time to grab an opportunity to be bigger and learn what can be achieved in a larger sense instead of taking the easy road of feeling personal loss and self pity. I could learn and experience something new by helping Susan achieve what might be possible in her mind, when someone else would not be so willing to help. If I take the easy route and feel sorry for myself I would lose this opportunity.
We are better than that; Susan is giving us the opportunity to experience this new reality. Will I, should I, and can I take myself by the shoulder and move through this new space with her.
I have continually told my boys that they are better and greater than they believe they are. They have the potential to achieve unimaginable ideas. Why should I choose not to follow this advice and opportunity? They will learn more by action than by words and they do watch me closely, so I have noticed. With a little more thought and time I will be able to convey this new found wisdom and direction to Susan and note how she reacts and lives with this.
